I (29F) am married to a wonderful man (30M) who is also the brother of my best friend, our heights are very different with me being 6’6″ and him being 5’7″, all of his family are on the short side and it led to some adjustments in our living arrangements at first but we found what worked for us. We realised early on that it was easier for him to use a step stool to reach what he needed in the kitchen than for me to constantly be crouching to get what I need as that gets painful quickly for me.
This was fine, until my MIL came to stay with us two weeks ago. Her roof needs repairs, my husband and I have a spare room while my best friend doesn’t so it was only logical she come stay with us. She has constantly been moving things about in the kitchen, lowering items as she doesn’t want to use the step stool, which isn’t anything to do with her age or fearing she’ll fall she just doesn’t want to. She keeps harping on about how it’s ridiculous everything is so high up and it’s rude for guests. My husband has repeatedly shut her down stating my comfort matters more than theoretical guests and asked her not to move things. She lets it go for a day then things are moved again.
I’ve expressed frustration to my Husband about this and the final straw came today when I went to make myself a coffee and could not find my coffee mugs anywhere, it took me five minutes to find them in my kitchen and I found them in the lower cabinet that I had to kneel to get them out of. I was angry and snappish at this as my back had hurt from getting my mug, and I told her if she couldn’t stop herself from rearranging my kitchen she could get a hotel room as I have had enough of her entitlement.
This led to a lot of blustering and some tears that she was just trying to make it make more sense and how this is her sons home and how it’s just a little reorganisation and that they shouldn’t all suffer just because i’m tall, she then also began to say how i’m heartless to expect her to stay in a hotel over the holidays.
My Husband was clearly uncomfortable at this and didn’t want his Mother upset but he told her that it wasn’t just his home, but mine too and if she wouldn’t respect my comfort and happiness then she would have to leave. She has went into the guest room and I can hear her crying still. My Husband is clearly getting anxious and upset over this but he’s not backing down and I feel awful that my snapping led to him feeling like this, maybe I should have just put up with it or been more gentle about how I dealt with it? I honestly don’t care that she’s upset which may make me sound heartless but I hate that my Husband is feeling this way.
TOP COMMENT
NTA, you stood up for yourself and gave a fair warning. I believe you’ve been quite patient. I appreciate that your husband is uncomfortable but so be it, sometimes life is uncomfortable. She had plenty of opportunities to stop complaining and to stop moving things around before you drew this line.
Express appreciation for your husband and just let her sit with it.
TBH I’d be wondering about past interactions with her. She seems to almost take offense to your height somehow, and I wonder if anything has every come up about your ‘fit’ with your husband, the optics of such a statuesque person or whatnot. People are weird.
REPLY
Oh she has always hated my height, especially the fact i’m most comfortable in six inch heels, a thing my husband adores. I have been best friends with her daughter since Highschool so even before I was with her son I knew her. She made quite a few comments about how I should wear flats to prom to fit in better then also about how I couldn’t wear heels to her daughters wedding.
RESPONSCE
How about a compromise for the holiday season? Have her move 1 or 2 mugs and other items that she frequently uses to a height easy for her to reach, while leaving everything else in place. If single items such as salt and pepper shakers are out of reach, they could be relocated to a lower shelf that MIL can reach without you bending down.
Is your kitchen designed oddly with the cabinets exceptionally high? My sister is 5’ 1” and her husband is 6’ 5”. She doesn’t even own a step stool – items seldomly used are stored on the top shelf and on the infrequent occasions she needs them, hubby hands them to her.
TOP COMMENT
eah, I’m short and a coffee addiction so I could see asking if I could keep a coffee mug within easy reach if I was staying somewhere multiple nights. Maybe a water glass, plate and bowl as well if those are also up high.
But she moved ALL the coffee mugs? That’s completely rude and reeks of some kind of power play/territorial bullshit.
REPLY
Did you miss the part where MIL PUT ALL THE MUGS ON THE BOTTOM SHELF AFTER BEING TOLD TO STOP.
There is no compromising with someone who repeatedly disrespects YOU in YOUR home while doing them a favor.
MIL is not visiting for the holidays. She is visiting due to her roof being repaired and if MIL wasn’t being aggressive it would have been serendipitous timing. However her aggressive behaviors are making everyone miserable during an already stressful season.
RESPONCE
The very fact that the husband had to correct his mother about whose house it was tells us everything we need to know. This is a power play by MiL and should not be overlooked.
