My partner’s friend (25F) socially changed her name from the name her mom gave her, to a name she chose for herself. She is cisgender, btw. Her name change is due to her wanting to reinvent herself. And her new name, Queen, reflects how she thinks of herself and how she wants others to see her. Her social media usernames and profiles reflect her new name, and people she’s met in the past few years call her by the name she’s introduced herself as. I’d be glad to support her in the autonomy she seeks by naming herself. But my issue is that she wants everyone to call her Queen. Within the friend group I notice that sometimes her old friends slip up and call her by her given name. But you can see that it doesn’t sit well with her, and that being deadnamed, bothers her. Sometimes she’ll politely correct, but not within larger groups. Sometimes her friends self-correct and call her Queen.
Since, “Queen” and “King” are used as terms of praise, reverence, and endearment, I am very hesitant to call this person “Queen”. I simply don’t feel that way about her. That says, if she tells a funny joke, or I’m fondly greeting her, it’s easy to call her Queen. It just doesn’t feel like a name to me. It feels more like a title. I don’t feel right calling my peer Queen. If she were to change her name to a name that means queen, like Reina, I wouldn’t experience any unease with calling her such.
I avoid using any name to refer to her. If I do use a name, I try to say Queen but if I’m not in a good mood or if I’m annoyed with her, I don’t bring myself to say it. I asked if I can call her “Q” and she said no, my name is ‘Queen’.
Perhaps I would feel differently if it were a stage name.
Edit: In the original post, I referred to the person as a “friend”. More accurately, they are my partner’s friend. I do appreciate the replies that address how a friend should treat a friend in this situation.
TOP COMMENT
I’m gonna get downvoted for this, but, NTA. Changing one’s own name to “Queen” (or King, or anything else that obviously signals one’s belief in their own superiority over other people) and then demanding that people address you by that name is an inherently asshole move. It’s so, so gross, and absolutely reeks of narcissism. If any of my friends ever did this, I would honestly be so turned off by it that I would most likely stop being friends with them. Blech.
My own issues with valorizing the concept of royalty aside–fuck monarchs, seriously–if you want people to call you “Queen,” work to earn that and let other people give you the title as a sign of respect.
REPLY
My own issues with valorizing the concept of royalty aside–fuck monarchs, seriouslY randos calling themselves King or Queen probably does the opposite of “valorizing” monarchy. it actually makes the name/title more meaningless, which is good if you don’t like monarchy and don’t think they should be treated with untouchable reverence.
RESPNCE
I agree that it makes the name meaningless to normal people, but they want the name because they are entitled and want to feel like they’re special.
TOP COMMENT
I feel like a lot of us are in agreement: changing your name in your 20s to Queen is weirdly self-aggrandizing and intentional. If that were her birth name, it’d be less weird, but this is too much. Personally, I would rethink my friendship with a person so self-absorbed and/or insecure as to do this.
REPLY
This is surely a saying the quiet part out loud situation. I’ve know people who would say they wanted to be a princess then kinda feign that it was ironically. It’s never ironic. They want that. I’ve dated/was married to too many of them.
It’s fine to have a high opinion of yourself but doing so in a way that lowers others is just trashy and is steeped in narcissism. People who deserve to hold a high opinion of themselves lift others up, they don’t demand to stand on shoulders.
RESPONCE
For me it’s not the fact she has chosen a “title” name per se, but that the name has been chosen specifically because it refers to a title.
As other commentators have pointed out, there are plenty of nice names that are, incidentally, titles. But she hasn’t chosen it because it’s a nice name that happens to be a title. Her explicit justification for choosing the name is specifically she wants people to see her as, and refer to her, as a queen.
For me, that makes it different because it’s not actually about the name here.
It’s like if someone chose to name their baby Eric just because it’s a nice name, I would have absolutely no problem with it. If they were true crime fans who specifically chose the names Eric and Dylan for their twins…