So, I (30M) have been seeing Maya (27F) for a little over two years now. Things are good between us but her dad he is not exactly my biggest fan. He is one of those people who thinks he needs to “test” me to see if I am worthy of his daughter and honestly, it’s getting old.
This weekend, Maya invited me to her parents’ house for dinner. I didn’t want to go at first, but Maya really wanted me there, so I agreed. It started off fine, but then as usual her dad started with the comments. I’m a graphic designer and he’s always saying things like, “Is that even a real job?” or “What do you do, just move things around on a computer all day?”
I was trying to brush it off, but things got worse when he asked me to help him in the garage. I thought it was just some small thing, but then he handed me this ridiculously heavy toolbox and said, “Let’s see if you can handle it.” I told him I wasn’t dressed for it, but he just smirked and said, “Figures. You don’t look like you do much manual work.”
It was like he was waiting for me to do something wrong. When we went back inside, things didn’t get any better. Her dad made this comment about how I probably don’t even know how to fix a flat tire and her mom joined in saying, “Bet you’re the kind of guy who orders takeout every night, huh?” The whole table laughed, and Maya was just sitting there, kind of giggling along with them.
At that point, I couldn’t take it anymore. I snapped and told her dad, “I’m not here to prove anything to you. If I loved fixing cars, I’d be a mechanic, not a designer. I don’t need a ‘test’ to show I’m good enough for your daughter.”
The room went dead silent. Her dad got all defensive, saying I was being too sensitive, and Maya got upset with me too. She said I should have just gone with the flow and not made a scene. I could not handle it anymore, so I just grabbed my things and left.
Now Maya’s barely talking to me, and I feel like maybe I went too far. But I just don’t get why her dad can’t respect me. AITAH?
NTA. It’s weird that dads do this with their daughters’ boyfriends. Especially considering you’re a grown man with a career, and either way, he’s being super disrespectful to you and his own daughter by acting this way.
Exactly. It’s like he’s more interested in playing “alpha male” than respecting his daughter’s independence or her choice in a partner. OP shouldn’t have to put up with that nonsense.
My dad would never have done anything like this. He respects his daughters and trusts them to make good decisions. This kind of behavior says more about the dad’s insecurities than anything else.
Agreed. The dad’s behavior screams insecurity, and he’s projecting it onto OP by setting up these ridiculous “tests.” If Maya isn’t willing to stand up for OP now, it’s likely going to be a constant battle where OP is stuck proving himself to someone who’s determined to find fault.
Life’s too short to play a supporting role in someone else’s unresolved drama. OP deserves a partner who’ll shut that nonsense down, not giggle along with it.
Dude, if she respected and loved you, she would have shut that down immediately. I’m a daddy’s girl. You know how my dad “tested” guys? A simple handshake, followed by “nice to meet you, have you been approved by her cat? Yes? No? Took me 6 months to earn my grand kitties’ approval.”
When I was younger, since we lived on 5 acres of forested land with 3k acres of BLM land behind us and very few neighbors and lots of predators, dad kept a shotgun near the front door. The rumor round school was “careful how you treat scary, her dad keeps a shotgun by the freaking front door!!”
All that to say, you deserve better than that. There is no excuse, no apology for what she has allowed to happen. No real father would ever be so disrespectful to his daughters boyfriend the way that garbage heap has been to you, without his daughters agreement and support.
Get someone who values you enough to fight for and with you.
NTA, your girlfriend should have stood up for you
