My ex-husband and I have been divorced for two years and we share custody of our two children, aged four and fifteen. Our daughter, the eldest, has been deeply affected by the divorce, blaming me for not reconciling with her father.
Despite going through family and individual therapy, the situation remains challenging. My daughter believes parents should work through their issues for the family’s sake.
I have my own history with infidelity; my father repeatedly cheated on my mother, yet she stayed for the family, essentially living like a single parent. I promised myself I wouldn’t follow that path. My mother, too, encouraged me to patch things up with my ex for the children’s benefit.
Holidays, especially Christmas, are tough for my daughter and when her father fails to keep promises, like not showing up for ice skating, I end up being blamed because, according to her, life would be simpler if we were still together.
Yesterday, after yet another broken promise from her father, my patience ran thin. I suggested to my daughter that if she felt so strongly about living with her dad, she was old enough to make that choice herself and I wouldn’t stop her.
One commenter said, “I had to laugh when I read your daughter is 15 because she’s definitely acting 15. You’re not an AH. You’re a human being dealing with a selfish hormonal rage vessel, pointed straight at your face. I think what you told her is perfect. No doubt her dad won’t want her cramping his style and he can tell her that. You can be there to soothe her afterwards. Daughters blame their mothers for everything.
I would ask her to accept that her dad is never coming back and to go from there. You can’t control what he does. She needs to understand that. It will be healthier for her in the end.”
Another, speaking as a child of divorce, wrote, “You are in a shit situation. Your ex would still be unreliable, is the impression I get, even if you all were together. Your daughter does not understand that. NTA.”