I’ve worked hard since I was 18 to build a solid financial foundation. Over the years, I’ve saved diligently, creating an emergency fund and slowly working toward a down payment for a house. My family has always known I’m careful with money, but recently, that has become a source of tension with my mom.
My mom (48F) has been asking for access to my savings account. She says it’s because the family has faced several unexpected expenses lately, like car repairs and medical bills for my younger brother (15M). While I completely understand that money is tight, I’ve never hesitated to help. I’ve pitched in for groceries, contributed to household bills and even paid for my brother’s school supplies when needed.
But this is different. My mom doesn’t just want me to help when I can, she wants direct control over my savings account “just in case something big happens.” I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that. I explained that I’ve worked hard for this money and it’s meant for my future. I also reassured her that I’d be happy to help if a real emergency arises, but I’d prefer to decide when and how to contribute.
That wasn’t enough for her. She accused me of being selfish and not trusting her. My dad has stayed silent on the issue, but my older sister (26F) sided with my mom, saying I should let her have access. Her argument? “What’s the point of saving if you’re not going to help your family?”
Now I’m torn. I care deeply about my family and want to support them, but giving someone else access to my hard-earned savings feels like crossing a line.
When I shared this, people pointed out that it’s not normal for a parent to demand access to an adult child’s account. They suggested that if my mom truly needs financial help, she should ask directly and I can decide on a case-by-case basis. Others emphasized that maintaining control over my savings isn’t selfish, it’s about protecting my future.
Was I wrong for setting this boundary, or is there a better way to handle this without straining my relationship with my mom?