So, I (27F) am getting married in March to my fiancé (28M). We’re keeping the wedding fairly traditional, and I’ve been looking forward to this day for years.
Here’s where the problem comes in: my brother’s fiancée, Emily (25F), approached me at our family Christmas gathering and casually mentioned that she found the “perfect dress” for my wedding. She pulled up a picture on her phone, and it was a full-on white gown. Not off-white or cream—straight-up bridal white.
I was a little taken aback and said, “Oh, Emily, I don’t think that’ll work. Brides usually wear white, and it might confuse people.” She kind of laughed it off and said, “It’s fine; I’m not trying to upstage you or anything. I just love how I look in white.”
I told her I’d prefer if she found something else, but she brushed me off and said, “It’s your day; no one’s going to mistake me for the bride.”
I brought this up with my brother, and he got defensive, saying I’m “making a big deal out of nothing” and that Emily is “just being herself.” He also accused me of being insecure if I think people will actually think she’s the bride.
I’m honestly upset. I don’t want a confrontation, but I feel like it’s common knowledge not to wear white to a wedding unless you’re the bride. My fiancé agrees with me, and so does my mom, but my brother and Emily are acting like I’m a control freak.
I told Emily again (nicely) that she’s welcome to come in any other color, but wearing white is a no-go. She rolled her eyes and said she didn’t understand why I was being so “uptight” about it. Now I’m wondering if I’m overreacting.
So, AITA for sticking to this boundary?
TOP COMMENT
NTA. It’s basic wedding etiquette not to wear white unless you’re the bride. Emily’s refusal to respect that is rude and attention-seeking, no matter how much she “loves how she looks in white.” You’re not being a control freak; you’re asking for a very reasonable boundary on your wedding day. If she can’t respect that, that’s on her, not you.
REPLY
Tell her and your brother that if she shows up in white, she will not be allowed in. And make sure that you actually have someone watching the entrance to make sure that she doesn’t get in.
You don’t have to allow her nonsense on YOUR wedding day. She can love the way she looks in white at her own damn wedding.
You are not the AH, but your brother and his fiancee are both rude, disrespectful, and self-absorbed AHs.
If you think it wouldn’t greatly increase your stress levels and family relationships, you could just uninvite both of them. You know that your brother won’t be there if you uninvite just her, so uninvite them both. And have someone working the door in case they try to crash.
RESPONCE
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with your brother and his wife, OP?
The SIL clearly understands the social rules about wearing white at a wedding, and even if not, it’s your day and SIL hasn’t even bought the dress yet.
Is this just a one-off thing, or have they always been this self-centered?
