A new mom, has been navigating an increasingly challenging relationship with her mother-in-law (MIL) since getting married, announcing her pregnancy, and welcoming her baby in February. Over the past year, her MIL has repeatedly overstepped boundaries, made dismissive comments, and behaved in ways that seem to disregard the couple’s wishes as parents. Despite her husband attempting to address the issues, MIL often brushes off concerns with excuses or turns the conversation to her own complaints.
This Christmas was no exception. Months in advance, the writer and her husband decided to ask family members not to give their baby any Christmas presents. They felt the baby didn’t need more toys and instead suggested contributing money toward swimming lessons or other activities. Her husband communicated this to his mom in October or November when the subject of Christmas came up. At first, MIL didn’t acknowledge it, but after he reminded her weeks later, she replied, “Yes, I remember you saying that.”
Fast forward to two days before Christmas, MIL sent a message saying her husband had bought a gift for the baby without knowing about the no-present request. Her husband, trying to keep the peace, replied that it was okay. However, when the present arrived, it was clear this wasn’t an accidental oversight. The gift, a £20 cuddly toy, was carefully wrapped and labeled by MIL herself. Knowing her husband’s notoriously bad wrapping skills, the writer realized this wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment purchase but a planned gift that MIL had prepared well in advance. The explanation about her husband seemed like a convenient excuse to avoid taking responsibility.
To make matters worse, MIL canceled her Boxing Day visit due to feeling unwell, which the writer and her husband appreciated to keep the baby from getting sick. However, on Christmas Day, MIL texted saying she wanted to drop off the presents anyway. Her husband told her it wasn’t necessary and that he could collect them over the weekend, but MIL insisted on bringing them and leaving them on the doorstep.
When the writer saw the gift, she felt her MIL’s behavior reflected a lack of respect for their decisions. It wasn’t just about the present , it was about a pattern of behavior that had built up over time. This wasn’t the first time MIL had ignored their wishes or acted as if her opinions mattered more than theirs as parents. She recalled moments like when her MIL tried to stop her from taking the baby back, saying, “No, he’s fine,” even though he needed feeding, or when she kept pressing for the due date after being told it wasn’t something they were sharing. These actions, combined with the gift incident, made her feel her MIL didn’t genuinely respect them as parents.
Her husband had already told his mom that they felt disrespected as parents. MIL claimed she did respect them, but her actions repeatedly said otherwise. Now, the writer is left questioning whether this latest incident is another example of her MIL disregarding their wishes or if her negative feelings toward her MIL are coloring her judgment. Still, the wrapping, the thought put into the gift, and the excuse about her husband make it hard to see it as anything but deliberate.
As she reflects on everything, she feels torn. It’s exhausting to deal with these repeated boundary violations, no matter how small they might seem on their own. She wonders how much longer she and her husband will have to remind MIL that their choices as parents deserve respect.