I have various family members visiting with their kids around the year
They bring their kids and as the “fun uncle” I take them around town and see the sites and parks
This time I had a pile of new toys that I had been saving to give to a charity and this relative “Heather” asked me why I had so many
I explained the situation and that I was giving them in remembrance of my mum, since she loved kids
Heather then mentioned that her very young granddaughters might appreciate a couple of the toys too
I just looked at her and said no
It’s not that I don’t give the kids in the family presents, but these were not for them
We didn’t discuss it again
The following day Heather left to go back home whilst I was at work
When I returned, I was told by family that she had asked them if she could take a couple of the toys.
Now Heather is quite forceful and the other family member was a bit cowed, and kind of just mentioned maybe she should wait for me to get home
Heather overrode their objections and took the toys and left
I was obviously pissed when I got home to that news and rang her straightaway
She claimed that the charity (it’s a children’s hospice) wouldn’t miss a couple of toys and it was too late now as her granddaughters had already opened them and loved them.
Heather said it sounded like I was calling her a thief, and she didn’t appreciate that and now I had spoilt the joy she would have at seeing the little ones playing with them because of my implication that she had stolen them
I was so furious that I slammed the phone down and didn’t speak to her again for around 4 months
Now during that time she would ring and my other relatives would answer the call and chide me for not forgiving Heather
When I finally did talk to her she said she would no longer allow herself to feel guilty for what she had done and I could not sit in judgment over her and make her feel bad
Now I know she’s a complete and utter AH for what she did, but my family are telling me to drop it as it’s been months and I’m causing an unnecessary fuss
I have decided to be civil since she’s ill but I really can’t forgive her for not only taking those toys but also not being able to feel like I can trust her my home if she ever visits again
So am I the AH for still being a judgemental b*stard and not truly forgiving her?
Edit: didn’t realise this would get this many responses (if only my HomeKit query did!)
Just to clarify Heather’s reasoning for not being a thief is that she informed my wimpy relative that she was taking the toys
So it can’t be stealing if she told one of the family she was taking them.
TOP COMMENT
“Heather said it sounded like I was calling her a thief.”
She IS a thief. She asked you. You said no. She took them anyway.
And remind them she stole from the charity.
Tell the family members still giving you grief that you’ll forgive her when she pays for what she stole or buys and donates gifts of the same value to the charity she stole from.
NTA
REPLY
Don’t let this women in your house again. The same for anyone who keeps defending here and telling you to forgive her. And keep calling her a thief. Because she is. Let everyone know.
RESPONCE
Let’s use the right words. Hospice is not for ‘severely sick kids.’ Hospice is for dying children. Emphasis on “dying children.” Stealing from dying children is one of the lowest things a person can possibly do. Hospice is for people that doctors have determined have 6 months or less left to live. (And yes, I do know that some people somehow to manage a turn-around, survive and move on from hospice.) OP’s relative is a thief regardless of her parsing it to “taking” because she “informed another family member”. She is callous and cruel. She is a lousy example for her grandkids. Op is better off keeping her out of the house. I’d be NC with her for the rest of my life and feel perfectly fine about it.
