I’m expecting my first child, due in February. This will be the first grandchild on both sides of the family, so everyone is very excited about it. My father’s girlfriend, “Lena” (fake name), and I have an okay relationship, but we’re very different people. She’s into things that I don’t enjoy and vice versa. While there’s no bad blood, she can be pushy at times, so we’re not very close.
One major difference between us is our stance on influencer culture. Lena loves it, while I really don’t. Since I got pregnant, she’s been sending me Instagram posts from random influencers talking about childbirth and motherhood. A few months ago, one of her favorite influencers gave birth and posted a cutesy, poorly edited video of the baby’s delivery. The video included scenes of her entire family watching from outside the delivery room, with country music playing in the background. Lena sent me that video, and I clearly told her I’d never do something like that.
This Christmas, my husband and I celebrated at my cousin’s house with the rest of my family. During the gift exchange, Lena gave me an envelope. Inside was a business card for a videographer, and she announced that she was hiring him to film my baby’s birth.
I was taken aback because I cannot imagine being filmed during such a private and vulnerable moment. I’ve been very clear that I don’t want anyone besides my husband at the hospital with me, so this felt like a boundary being crossed. Still, I didn’t want to embarrass Lena in front of everyone, so I thanked her for the gift.
The next day, my husband and I had lunch with Lena and my father. During the meal, I gently told her that while I appreciated the gesture, I didn’t feel comfortable having a videographer at my delivery. I assured her that she didn’t need to get me another gift, but I asked her not to hire him.
Lena and my father both got offended. Lena started crying, saying she couldn’t understand why I’d pass up on such a “beautiful memento” of my child’s birth. I explained that I found the idea creepy and invasive and reminded her that I had previously expressed being uncomfortable with such things. My father said it was rude of me to refuse the gift and that he’s “very disappointed” in me.
My husband supports me, as does most of my family, but my father’s reaction is making me second-guess myself. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but the whole situation is stressing me out.
Comments on the Story:
NTA Do NOT tell them when you go into labor. Inform the hospital that neither of them is allowed in the delivery room. Lena might try to whip out her phone, and if your dad doesn’t have your back during this moment, he can wait outside too.
Reply: I don’t plan on saying anything until the baby is born.
Be cautious about Lena posting anything about your child on social media without your consent.
Reply: Ugh, she might do that and then act like a martyr, claiming I won’t let her post “her own grandchild.” It’s exhausting.
