I (43M) have been married to my wife Amanda (42F) for six years. We have two little daughters, Becca (4) and Eliza (2). I also have two kids from my first marriage, Liam (17) and Sage (15). After my divorce, I didn’t get to see Liam and Sage as much because their mom had more money and got primary custody. I only had them on weekends and some Wednesdays.
Recently, Liam and Sage asked if they could live with me full-time because they were having problems with their stepdad. Liam especially was having a hard time, and even their mom agreed it was a good idea. I talked to Amanda, and she wasn’t happy about it. She told me, after we already had kids together, that she felt uncomfortable around Liam and Sage.
Since they moved in, it’s been tough. Amanda has been nitpicking everything Liam and Sage do, like she’s waiting for a reason to send them back to their mom. Over the holidays, she even tried to leave them out of our family traditions. I suggested family therapy, but Amanda doesn’t want to do it.
Then, something big happened. Yesterday, Becca bit Sage. Sage said it hurt a lot, and without thinking, she slapped Becca. Sage immediately apologized and felt really bad but Amanda didn’t believe her. Amanda started yelling at Liam and Sage to leave the house. Sage was trying to calm things down but Amanda got even more upset. Liam and Sage ended up leaving and spent the night at a friend’s house.
Now Amanda is demanding that I send Liam and Sage back to their mom’s permanently. She’s even talking about calling the police. I told her it was an accident and that Sage apologized, but Amanda says she doesn’t feel safe having Sage around our daughters anymore. I reminded Amanda that she once hit Becca when she got bitten, but Amanda just got angrier.
Today, Amanda took Becca and Eliza to her mom’s house and said she’ll come back tomorrow, but only if Liam and Sage are gone. I told her this is their home too, and if she isn’t comfortable, she can leave. My parents think I was wrong to tell her to leave, but honestly, I’m so tired of how she’s been treating my older kids.
Comments:
I get the feeling that your wife was expecting you to move on from your older kids once you had your daughters together. She thought your new family would replace your first one. You’re showing your kids that they will always be a priority, and that’s the right thing to do.”
NTA . It sounds like you’re handling this well. Your wife clearly didn’t understand your commitment to your older kids, and she’s forcing an unfair choice. Stick to your values and show all your kids they matter equally.”
I’m sorry, but it sounds like your wife has a deep issue with your older kids that might not ever go away. Someone who competes with children for attention isn’t someone I’d want in my life. If she won’t compromise, you might have to rethink the relationship.”
“It’s so wrong that Amanda waited until after having kids with you to admit she doesn’t like Liam and Sage. She clearly hoped they’d fade away, but when they didn’t, she decided to make you choose. You’re absolutely right to stand by your kids.”
