Every year my family gathers at a popular vacation spot for a Christmas tradition that has been part of our lives since childhood. One of the highlights is the Secret Santa exchange.
With everyone over 18 in the pool, it’s a fun way to simplify gift-giving and ensure that every adult receives a thoughtful present within a $50 to $100 range or something handmade. This year my younger sister Heather (24F) had my name. What she decided to give me however left me at a loss.
When I unwrapped my gift it appeared to be a box set of my favorite TV series a perfect fit for my interests. But instead of DVDs inside there was a positive pregnancy test.
At first I congratulated her with genuine enthusiasm though I was a little confused about where the actual DVDs were. I asked if they were set aside or part of another surprise. That’s when she got upset claiming the pregnancy itself was my gift as well as her gift to the entire family.
I was stunned. While I’m happy for her and excited about becoming an uncle a pregnancy announcement doesn’t feel like it fits the spirit of a Secret Santa exchange. These gifts are meant to be personal meaningful or at least reflect the effort and expense agreed upon by everyone participating.
On top of that Heather hadn’t mentioned to anyone that she was even trying to have a baby. Given that she’s unmarried and we’re not particularly fond of her boyfriend the news felt more complicated than celebratory.
When I gently expressed my feelings she became defensive accusing me of being ungrateful. My parents chimed in insisting I should be happy about a niece or nephew. While I am happy for her future as a parent it doesn’t change the fact that this wasn’t a personal or thoughtful Secret Santa gift.
For comparison Heather received a $100 spa gift card from my aunt which fits within the spirit of our tradition. What she gave me by contrast wasn’t really a gift it was a life update wrapped in festive paper.
I’m left wondering if I’m wrong for expecting a gift that aligns with the effort and thoughtfulness we’ve always upheld in these exchanges. It feels unfair to pretend that her pregnancy however wonderful it is for her fulfills the spirit of our family tradition.