I read a story about someone’s friend who had a challenging situation with her boyfriend’s mother. The mother-in-law (MIL), in her 50s, had separated from her husband years ago and later entered a long-term relationship with a wealthy man. They were together for nearly 20 years, but they never married. When the man passed away, his will left everything to his children, and the MIL was left with the house and two cars. She quickly sold the house and, rather than finding her own place, decided to rotate her living arrangements between her son’s home (where the friend and boyfriend lived) and her daughter’s home.
Initially, the friend was against the MIL moving in, knowing she had a reputation for being lazy. However, she agreed to let her stay for “a couple of days.” Those days turned into weeks. During her stay, the MIL didn’t clean, cook, or contribute in any way. She even began treating the friend like a servant, asking her to fetch snacks and drinks. Whenever the friend tried to bring up finding an apartment, the MIL would brush it off, saying the prices were too high.
The friend’s frustrations grew, and she confided in her own friend, who advised her to stop enabling the MIL’s behavior and set firm boundaries. Despite this advice, the friend kept saying it would only be for a few more weeks.
Your friend agreed to a few days, not a few weeks. It’s time to give the MIL a deadline to get gone.
Wasn’t that woman grieving the loss of her spouse?
How long ago? Grief is awful, but it doesn’t give you a lifelong pass on contributing or at least taking care of yourself.
The story sparked debates about balancing empathy with enforcing boundaries. While some felt the MIL might still be grieving and needed compassion, others believed it was unfair for her to impose on her son and his partner without contributing or respecting the agreed-upon timeframe. Most advised setting a firm deadline to avoid further strain on the relationship.