This NYE, me (37M) and my girlfriend (30F) went to another couple’s house to play a board game and have a few drinks. They invited someone else I’m good friends with, Philip (38M), and haven’t seen in a few weeks. My GF and I had been spending the day together in a spa, running errands and getting coffee.
Anyway, the night got underway and we were starting our board game. Nobody else but my girlfriend played before so she explained the rules. The board game was Ticket to Ride and decently complicated to explain, especially to a few drunk adults. The mood was rowdy and a bit childish, but as expected. I could see she was getting frustrated and annoyed with us, so during a smoke break I said to Philip to turn it down a notch and for us both to be more thoughtful of the situation.
Although that did help somewhat, they both kept arguing and spoiling the mood, enough for everybody else to tell them to stop bickering. After that, the mood was pretty terrible, but I feel it did recover somewhat. I concentrated on learning the game and paying attention to not rile Philip up more. Philip took it easier too and settled in a bit.
My GF was annoyed at people taking too long on their turns, rolled her eyes when we were asking for rule clarifications or looked stuff up ourselves and to be honest, she was terrible at explaining the game in general.
When everybody goes outside to celebrate the new year, I get into a huge argument with my girlfriend about how we’re ganging up on her and how I’m not defending her and have been ignoring her all evening (by not sitting next to her). It gets pretty heated, but I tell her it’s not my responsibility how people react to her behavior and I’m not here to police her or Philip. She says she does not enjoy our humor and doesn’t get the constant shooting jokes back and forth where we make fun of each other. I tell her to lighten up; it’s a group situation and we all adapt to it and find a balance. Easier said than done, I guess. She accuses me of not sticking up for her and for only joking around with Philip and paying more attention to him than her.
We finish the game and what I can only describe as silence and everybody goes home.
She went home instead of to my place as planned and I’m pretty upset that New Years was soured by this and feel there’s no reason for it to have gone this way.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
Am I the asshole for spending more time with my friend than my GF and for not sticking up for her more during the board game on NYE?
TOP COMMENT
Ticket to Tide is a strategy game and these games do not mix well with half the players half cut and the other half sober. Neither Philip nor your GF is covered in glory here with their constant sniping and arguing. You were all at a third party’s house and pissed all over their new years instead of chilling out and enjoying the celebrations. ESH, as you policed Philip and not your GF at the time. Why was Philip the only one pulled up at the time?
REPLY
NTA. It sounds like you were talking and joking with your friends and spending time with them and she wanted your attention all on her. About the board game, it seems to me like you did your best to be respectful and listen to her and you even told your friends to be kinder and listen.
RESPONCE
I’m torn between ESH and NAH. ESH because it does sound like you and your friend were being obnoxious, but also it sounds like she’s not a person I’d want to play a board game with.
NAH, because it honestly doesn’t feel like it’s about the board game at all, and maybe more just a conflict of priorities, desires, and communication style. She wanted a structured experience; you wanted to hang out with your friend. It could be that she just doesn’t much care for your friend or the way you act around him.
