I work as a server at a restaurant. One of my coworkers recently moved here from Georgia for college and started working with us a few months ago. She tries to use her “southern charm” a lot, calling everyone “honey,” “sweetie,” and similar names.
She thinks this is nice, but many customers don’t seem to like it. They usually respond with short answers or look uncomfortable but, she doesn’t notice and keeps talking to them. This habit has even gotten her in trouble with management, who told her not to spend so much time chatting with customers or calling them those names.
A couple of weeks ago, she got upset because a customer got angry and said, “Don’t call me that!” when she called them “honey.” She’s also been complaining that she gets smaller tips than other servers. She thinks it’s because of her southern accent, but I don’t think that’s the reason.
She asked me for advice, so I gave her my honest opinion. I told her that customers might not like her taking so long to bring their food or drinks because she’s busy talking. I also said that calling strangers pet names like “honey” might sound rude or awkward instead of nice because it’s not something people here are used to.
She didn’t take it well. She told me she didn’t want to be “rude” to customers and thought that being less friendly would make her tips worse. I explained that adjusting to what people here expect isn’t rude it’s just polite. I also said that spending too much time at one table isn’t fair to her other customers who are waiting.
Since then, she’s been avoiding me and seems upset. Looking back, I wonder if I could have explained it more nicely, but it was a busy holiday season, and I was really stressed. So, AITA for being honest with her?
Comments
NTA. Bit of a culture clash going on here. You’ve tried to help her fit in better with the locals and your boss has done the same. But she isn’t listening to either of you. NTA.
Read the room. And major differences between the Southeast and elsewhere for this. She needs to adapt instead of expecting her customers to adapt. NTA and her problem if she can’t take the constructive criticism she asked for.
This. I’m from Southern Appalachia and lived in DC for almost a decade. I code switched so hard because what’s rude one place is polite in the other.
I will say that pet names from servers annoy the shit out of me regardless of where I am unless they’re giving strong “auntie” or “grandma” vibes. These vibes are somewhat gender neutral, but it’s the best way I can explain it quickly. “Hon”/”hun” tends to be fine when it’s used the same way you’d use sir or ma’am.
If you are in the Northeast, esp NY or New England, she really needs to listen to you because yeah we hate small talk! Her tips are only going to get worse.
NTA she should listen to you, who actually knows how people are around wherever you are. You’re just trying to help.
