In November, my (18M) dad’s parents and my mom got into an argument. They mentioned they’d started a college fund for my younger brother (11M). My mom thanked them and asked why they brought it up. They said it was because they wanted to make sure their “grandson” was taken care of.
When my mom asked if they had started a fund for me, they said no because I’m not their “real” grandson. They added that I’d get “something else” and accused my mom of expecting too much.
For context, my dad adopted me when I was 5. He’s been in my life since I was 2, and he’s the only dad I’ve ever known. I don’t know my biological father personally, and he passed away when I was 3. Hearing my grandparents say I wasn’t their “real” grandson hurt, not because of the money but because I realized they didn’t fully accept me.
The argument happened in front of me and my brother right before Thanksgiving. They later apologized, but only because my dad forced them to. Since then, I’ve kept my distance and realized I cared about them more than they cared about me.
Fast forward to Christmas: my parents mentioned my upcoming senior pictures, and my grandparents talked about how excited they were for my graduation. I was confused since, just a month earlier, they said I wasn’t their “real” grandson.
I told them I didn’t want them at my graduation. This shocked everyone. When they asked why, I reminded them of what they said and pointed out that it doesn’t make sense for them to act like they care now. They said I should move on since they already apologized and meant no harm. I told them their apology didn’t feel genuine because it was forced by my dad.
Afterward, things got awkward. My dad later said they’re hurt and I should apologize, but I told him I meant what I said. My mom agrees with me but says I should consider my dad’s feelings since this is a tough situation for him.
I’m not trying to hurt my dad, but I don’t want people at my graduation who clearly don’t see me as family. AITA?
Comment on this post
NTA – What they said to you was awful, especially saying it right in front of you. Actions and words have consequences, and now they’re upset because they’re facing those consequences.
It’s also unfair that everyone is so worried about your dad’s and your grandparents’ feelings while ignoring your feelings.
You’re still a kid in this situation, and what they did was really wrong. Your dad should be asking how to help you heal instead of trying to smooth things over for his parents. They made this mess, and they need to deal with the fallout.
Too many older people think they can say hurtful things and expect forgiveness just because they’re elders. That’s not how it works. Everyone needs to take responsibility for their actions.
Final Thoughts
You’re NTA. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to set boundaries with people who’ve hurt you, even if they’re family. Your grandparents’ comment was deeply hurtful, and while they apologized, it doesn’t erase the impact of their words. Prioritizing your own emotional well-being is important, even if others find it uncomfortable. It’s not your job to make them feel better about their mistake.