I have three grandkids, ages 3, 8, and 10, that recently visited. They are all great kids that are well adjusted and generally well behaved, but the middle one has a bossy temperament and a manipulative streak.
The eight-year-old will start crying if she does not get her way, and her parent’s technique is to reason with her.
I asked the child if she would give me a hand in the kitchen, to which she replied, “No, I don’t think so.” I said nothing and moved on to the other kids and asked them. The help I was requesting was to taste the whipped cream I just made. When she realized that I wanted a taste test, now she was all for helping. However, I told her I asked someone else to lick the spoon since she said no, which of course she blew up with one of her little tantrums. Apparently I was being cruel for treating her that way and she was instantly coddled by her mother.
The second incident was after dinner, when I was in the midst of cutting the cake. The child pointed to one to lay claim on it. Her father stated that the slices were big and to cut them in half. The child instantly started crying and said that she did not want hers cut in half and cried more when I started to cut. I said, Why are you crying? You can always have another piece. That was when her mother entered the scene and stated that she was crying for the way I was talking to her, as it made her stress out. I was hoping my son would stick up for me and tell her what actually happened.
The next incident was when she and her sibling were about to play a game of chess and both wanted to be white, and of course she started crying over this. Instead of them continuing to argue, I stepped in and stated that in all games of chess we decide on who gets white by placing a piece of each color in our hands and selecting a hand, and whatever color you choose is the color you play. Well, she goes along with this but selects the hand with the black piece and she starts crying louder, at which point I gently lift her off the chair and gently place her on the ground and calmly state that she really did not want to play and to let someone else get a chance to play.
The reaction from her mother was a total meltdown. She acted as if I roughly picked the kid up and violently slammed her to the ground. She was going on about how I had no right to discipline her child or for me to tell them how to discipline her children. She was actually yelling at me in front of the other kids and told them they would never visit again because of the way I treated that particular child. My wife and I were both dumbfounded by her reaction and wondered if some type of underlying psychiatric issue unknown to us that just unraveled really was that bad.
So is granpa the evil AH?
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
There are at least three paragraphs that list my actions as being offensive to someone, so I don’t understand your comment that what actions I took need to be listed.
TOP COMMENT
Whoa! Why is only the 8 year old being enabled? Are the other two treated differently? Honestly, Mom and the 8-year-old need some professional help. Maybe gift them a family therapy session.
REPLY
Yeah my aunt has a kid who’s a big whiner and every time she just reinforces the behaviour by giving in to what he wants to stop the crying. I don’t say anything because people tend to get pissed when you tell them how to parent, but I cringe every time it happens.
RESPONCE
Yeah. Parenting is a hard job and it’s way easier to give a kid what they want than to actually raise them right. I don’t have kids but I do have nibblings and watch my siblings struggle with this. It is so easy to spoil a child, and it has terrible consequences.