My sister (23f) lives at home and has a 6-month-old baby. She never moved in with her boyfriend because they live far from each other and neither of them wanted to compromise. Her baby daddy never ever comes around; he’s seen their son probably less than 30 days total of his entire life. And because of this, my sister has been treating me (21f) and my mom as his other parents. She expects free childcare CONSTANTLY while she works and whatnot and gets very upset when I act hesitant about it for whatever reason. Because she doesn’t want to send him to daycare (she’d be eligible to get free childcare in our state but doesn’t trust it).
And I love my nephew to death but these are MY child-free, college years; I have been parentified and forced to play mommy for my little siblings for years, and just when they’re getting to the age that they don’t need me so much, I don’t think I should be forced to step up and play mommy to another child who isn’t mine. Especially when I’m on winter break for the next couple of weeks and just want to enjoy sleeping in way too late and being lazy before I’m thrown back into full-time college (this has been happening for 4 months at this point though). So when she asked if I’d watch him tomorrow, I got a bit of an attitude but ultimately said yes. But to that she got snappy with me and was like, “Why do you always act like you don’t want to do it?!” To which I got upset and responded, “Because he’s not my kid and I shouldn’t be expected to do this all the time.”
She got VERY angry at me and is now not talking to me at all, and she is surely going to weaponize my nephew against me. And to an extent, sure, I understand her anger: I know that you should be able to rely on your village and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong for not wanting to do this. But I am so tired of taking care of other people’s children all the time for free, even if I love the kids to death. I can’t tell if I’m being selfish or not, AITA here?
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
I believe that I may be an asshole because I know that family should be there for each other, and I don’t know if I’m selfish for not wanting to do this.
COMMENT
NTA. YOU did not decide to have a baby—she did. Taking care of the baby is her responsibility.
I might be hesitant to put a 6-week-old in daycare, but not a 6-month-old. Now if he goes to daycare and one day she needs you because baby is sick and can’t go, then I’d hope you’d step up. But that should be a rare thing. It’s HER kid, not yours.
REPLY
Yeah, if it was a once in a while thing, I wouldn’t mind it so much. But expecting me to get up at 7 am 3-4 days a week for months with no plan on ever arranging other childcare is absolutely bizarre. I love my nephew to death but I cannot keep doing this. I don’t have kids yet for a reason.
RESPONCE
Exactly! OP, set some boundaries, and then stick to it. Will only help out if the following happens:
- Emergencies only (i.e., sick and can’t go to nursery, sick being fever, etc.). This is still subject to your schedule. You can’t cancel exams and due assignments, etc.
- Register the child for daycare
- Tell bf to step up and help out with childcare
- Your help is a bonus and not the norm.
