For three years, my boyfriend (28M) and I have been building a strong relationship, but I’ve always been clear: I’m not ready for marriage just yet. It’s not about him I just need more time to feel comfortable with such a life-changing decision. Despite this, a few weeks ago, he surprised me in the most public way imaginable.
We were at a big family party celebrating his dad’s 60th birthday. The atmosphere was festive, and I noticed my boyfriend seemed a little on edge, but I brushed it off. Then, in the middle of the event, he got everyone’s attention, got down on one knee, and proposed to me in front of all his family and friends.
I froze. Panic swept over me as I tried to process what was happening. The last thing I wanted to do was reject him in front of everyone he cared about I know how devastating public humiliation can be. So, in the moment, I said yes. The crowd erupted in cheers, and he looked so happy. Meanwhile, I felt like I was crumbling inside.
On the way home, I told him the truth. I explained that I loved him but wasn’t ready for marriage and only said yes to avoid embarrassing him in front of everyone. I thought being honest in private was the kinder option.
He didn’t see it that way. He was furious, saying I’d made things worse because now he has to explain to everyone that we’re not actually engaged. He said it would’ve been better if I’d just said no in the moment.
To make things more complicated, his family and friends have been flooding us with congratulations and posting videos of the proposal online. Every time someone reaches out, his frustration grows, and I feel even worse about how everything unfolded.
I didn’t want to hurt him, but I also feel like he put me in an impossible situation. Proposing publicly when he knew I wasn’t ready felt like he prioritized the spectacle over my feelings.
Was I wrong for trying to spare him embarrassment in the moment, or did I handle it the best I could under the circumstances?