Growing up, my life revolved around my maternal grandparents. My mom passed away when I was a baby and my dad, despite having custody, didn’t step up to the plate. My grandparents became my true caregivers.
They were always there to provide stability and love, filling in the gaps where my dad fell short. I technically lived at my dad’s house but emotionally and practically, my grandparents were my parents.
Their house was my safe haven and to this day I spend most of my time there eating meals, staying over and celebrating holidays. The idea of moving in full time has crossed our minds but we didn’t want to risk creating any unnecessary complications.
Around four years ago, my dad started dating someone new. I didn’t pay much attention to their relationship. She moved in this past May and they got married in September. She has kids and while she’s made efforts to involve me and get to know me, I’ve made it clear I’m not interested. I don’t know her or her kids and I’m perfectly happy keeping my life as it is centered around my grandparents and the friends I’ve built strong connections with.
Over Christmas, I spent three days with my grandparents as I always do. Before I left, my dad’s wife asked me to stay and spend Christmas with “the family.” I told her I already had plans with my family, my grandparents.
She tried to push the idea of us becoming close but I told her I wasn’t interested. My stance hasn’t changed since the beginning of her relationship with my dad and I felt she should have realized by now that I’m not looking to bond.
When I returned home, she was visibly upset. Later, after her relatives visited, she approached me again. She said my refusal to engage with her and her kids made them feel unwelcome.
She acknowledged that my dad hadn’t been the best parent but insisted I could still build something meaningful with her family. She pleaded with me to give them a chance emphasizing that it wasn’t their fault my dad wasn’t there for me. She just wanted us to become a family.
I understand her perspective but I can’t force myself into relationships I don’t want. My grandparents are my true family. While it may hurt her feelings, I’m not willing to compromise the peace and stability I’ve built for the sake of blending into a situation that doesn’t feel right to me.