I (34M) work in a physically demanding field where most of my coworkers are fit with little body type variety. My wife (32F) is fat. She’s always been fat, ever since I met her. We dated while she was fat got married while she was fat, and she still is. But she’s also the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. I love her exactly as she is whether she stays the same or loses weight.
The other day at work one of my coworkers Julia (28F), started talking about how she felt she was too fat to be loved and how fat people can’t find love. For context, Julia isn’t fat; she’s maybe 120 pounds works out constantly and barely eats.
I disagreed with her and mentioned that my wife is fat. Julia turned red and told me I wasn’t allowed to call my wife fat because it was insulting. She insisted my wife was beautiful and “curvy.”
The thing is my wife hates being called curvy. She believes people use it to avoid saying “fat” because they think it’s a bad word. I explained this to Julia, but she got upset and even threatened to message my wife on Instagram, claiming I was being mean.
To stop the drama I called my wife put her on speaker, and asked how she prefers to describe herself. She laughed and said, “I hate that curvy crap. Fat and beautiful, baby!” I thanked her said I loved her and hung up.
Julia lost it. She accused me of abusing and brainwashing my wife into accepting being called fat so she’d “stay complacent” and not leave me. She was convinced no woman could ever be okay with her husband calling her fat.
I even showed Julia a photo of my wife proudly wearing a shirt that said “BBW” (which my wife bought herself). Julia stormed off and hasn’t spoken to me since.
Today I got an email from HR requesting a meeting. It turns out multiple coworkers had heard the conversation and went to HR to defend me. HR just wanted to get my side of the story, and after confirming everything, they cleared me of any wrongdoing.
HR did mention that while Julia started the conversation, I shouldn’t have engaged. They suggested I avoid discussing sensitive topics like weight at work in the future. Julia and I won’t be paired together anymore, and I’m fine with that.
Before leaving the meeting I suggested that if weight and body image were inappropriate topics the company should reconsider its ongoing “weight loss challenge” and make it a “fitness challenge” instead. HR said they’d take it into consideration.
I’m relieved the issue is resolved though things are still tense at work. I thought Julia and I were friends but I clearly misjudged the situation.
Top Comments:
“The difference between your wife and Julia is that your wife loves herself. Julia can’t even pretend.”
Reply: “Imagine fishing for validation from a married coworker, getting mad when he loves his wife, threatening to DM her, and then reporting him to HR.”
“Julia was probably fishing for OP to say, ‘You’re not fat at all! You’re beautiful!’ But instead, he just said, ‘You can still be loved if you’re fat; my wife is fat and I love her.’ She didn’t get the compliment she wanted and probably felt shamed.”
Reply: “Bingo! You nailed it.”\
Response to Reply:
“Julia is probably mad that OP’s wife is fat but has love and happiness, while she’s clearly struggling in those areas. Maybe she should work on loving herself first. To quote RuPaul: ‘If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?’”
Final Thoughts:
This situation highlights how personal insecurities can fuel misunderstandings and conflict. Loving someone for who they are—without shame—is a powerful statement. Words like “fat” don’t have to be insults if reclaimed with pride and positivity. Learning to accept and love oneself is key to fostering healthier relationships not just with others but also with ourselves.
