Throwaway because my gf knows my main Reddit:
My gf (19F) Fiona and I (21M) have been together for around a month now, and yesterday I brought her to a Christmas party with all of my friends to introduce her to them. Fiona got along with all of them well, though she was understandably a little shy. It also make it difficult for her that most of my friends and I are international students whereas she’s born and raised in North America.
For context, Fiona doesn’t like to cause conflict and often is okay with letting things slide to keep the peace. However if she‘s angered, she’s also the type to say something and can be a bit of a hothead. That being said, she’s extremely sweet and understanding which makes this situation all the more bizarre for me.
Fiona was quiet most of the party, occasionally piping in the conversation and letting it take its course around her. She was holding a bag which I found out today is pretty expensive, around $2.7k. My friend Celia pointed out her purse and asked where she got it to which Fiona explained that it was a gift from her parents. At this, Celia asked what Fiona’s parents did.
Fiona told her that her mom was a stay at home mom and her dad worked in the oil field, and Celia made a face and said “you know digging oil is horrible for the environment.”
At this Fiona asked Celia if the clothes she was wearing was made of Polyester and Nylon, if she participated in fast fashion, if she took planes, or used solar powered energies primarily. And then she asked Celia if she drew the line for being environmentally conscious at someone working hard to support their family. Fiona’s tone was light but I could tell she was angry. The rest of my friends laughed and told Celia that Fiona had a point and moved on. But Celia went quiet afterwards and left soon after.
This morning, I got a text message from her that Fiona was extremely rude to her and that she didn’t feel comfortable attending parties where Fiona was present anymore and l that while she didn’t want to tell me what to do, that she thought I deserved someone better and less snobby.
When I told Fiona she went quiet and told me that the reason she snapped at Celia was because she was purposely acting as if Fiona didn’t exist and being snide towards her. I tried to argue that Celia never said anything off putting save for the “oil field” comment and that Fiona should just apologize to keep the peace but Fiona refuses and says I didn’t pick up on it because I’m a guy and girls have subtext. Now Fiona and Celia are both upset with me and I feel bad for putting them both in this situation. AITA for not picking Fiona’s side?
Update: we broke up, I’m dating Celia now.
Just kidding, I apologized to Fiona for not immediately standing up for her and showed her this thread. She’s been reading it for the past 2 hours laughing. She has NOT broken up with me, and I’ve sent a sternly worded text to Celia telling her that she was being rude and obviously attempting to pick a fight. Celia apparently tried to shit on Fiona to a couple friends, snidely remarking that she’s rude but they acted confused and told Celia she was mistaken. From what I picked up from conversations with friends, Celia was not in love with me as some people suggested, just jealous of Fiona. Also, it is normal in the country Celia is from to ask about parent’s occupation and Fiona said it wasn’t weird for her to ask about where the is purse from as she gets it a lot. I am deeply humbled and will now be throughly rethinking the way I behave in relation to my gf. Thanks
TOP COMMENT
YTA
Honestly great comeback your gf had to the oil rig comment and even your friends thought your gf had a point. Also, Celia made such a back handed comment to your gf and your gf just gave the heat back. You should’ve taken your gf side and honestly Celia is trying to just manipulate you into picking her or your gf (not sure if she likes you or not but definitely sus imo). Just weigh who you value more and realize you’re jeopardizing your relationship with your gf by not taking her side because she’s valid in this scenario.
REPLY
Just to add to this a little bit. I am a guy, and stereotypically oblivious to the kind of subtext mentioned here – but it seems pretty obvious just from OPs description that Celia was asking about the bag ONLY because she was mining for reasons to be critical of Fiona.
Even if that wasn’t the case, you need to take your GFs word for it, because she is going to be a lot more sensitive to when people are trying to make HER feel unwelcome than you are.
And in case that wasn’t enough: being needlessly critical of the parents of a person you just met is something you do when you are looking for conflict – she is just annoyed that she found it but couldn’t control it.
RESPONCE
My husband can be so oblivious it’s funny, but even he’d see the points you’ve laid out so well.
Celia was fishing for something to go after. She just didn’t expect to reel in a shark. I have no doubt Fiona’s heard that kind of crap before and has her retort well honed at this point.
