I (28f) and my husband (29m) have been at odds with my parents for almost 2 years. My parents are members of the LDS church and I left about 8 years ago. A couple summers ago, my husband and I went on vacation with my family and our infant daughter. On this vacation, my husband and I participated in a few drinks during the trip and my family became increasingly rude to him. Making snide remarks, sarcastic reactions to his questions, and just putting him down in passive, aggressive ways. We were gearing up to leave the lake and my stepfather made a rude comment to my husband. He asked me to toss him a beer and my mother tried to stop me and told me no. My husband got upset for being controlled as a grown man. My mother also compared him to my abusive and alcoholic father, which was completely unwarranted because he is the furthest thing from that person. We ended up getting into a huge fight and leaving early. When leaving, my husband tried to apologize and my stepfather scoffed at him and walked off. Since then we have only attended Christmas at their home and I have not attended family functions out of support for my husband. My husband unfriended my parents and brother from Facebook and has not spoken to them since outside of silent Christmas visits.
This year they wanted to do family pictures because all 6 siblings will be in the same place with their families. I told my mother no and that she can’t expect us to smile and say cheese for people who have expressed such hatred. My mother tried to manipulate me in front of my siblings and tried to tell me to show up with our daughter so they could photoshop my husband later. I still refused and she broke down crying so I left. I didn’t attend and now my mother is barely speaking to me.
Am I the jerk? I only have one sister telling me she understands it’s a tough situation. I’m standing up for my husband and I know if the roles were reversed, they would expect me to tell his family to kick rocks. My husband and I both deserve an apology at this point in my opinion and maybe some therapy.
TOP COMMENT
You deserve an apology, but you know you will never get it. My understanding of LDS people is that they will always belittle and condemn anyone who drinks any alcohol. It is not permitted in their cult.
Stay away from them. Your husband does not deserve the way they act. Your child does not need to be exposed to that attitude.
Yes, I said cult. Not religion. I lived to close to Nauvoo, Illinois for to long. That’s where they were before they got run out, and they went to Salt Lake City, Utah.
Keep your kids away from those people.
REPLY
It depen̈ds. I’m ex-LDS. My LDS late husband was an alcoholic. He was supported much more by church leaders than our children and I were. There was no support for us. He got counseling by the bishop, a 12-step program that is run by the church, friends rallying round. I was the one isolated. I had a temple recommend. Did everything right. They are only anti-alcohol if they don’t like you.
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