There’s something deeply relatable about feeling like your joy might be misunderstood by someone you care about. I stumbled across this story on Reddit, and it hit home in a way I didn’t expect. It’s messy, human, and full of the complicated dynamics that come with close friendships.
AITA for telling my (24F) financially struggling best friend (24F) about my work bonus? For some background, I’ll provide why I’m concerned before I get to the actual story.
My best friend and I have known each other for 16 years, but within the last couple years became extremely close. The last year has had a lot of changes for me. I’ve broken up with my boyfriend of 4 years and kicked him out of my apartment. I got a new job that is drastically different from my last. I’m in my last year of school (finishing my business degree!!). With all of that being said, we are in different stages in life. I’m single, she’s married. She has a degree, I don’t (yet). She has a job in her desired career, I don’t. She’s about to try for kids, I’m lucky if I can get a date with a decent guy lol. I am INCREDIBLY proud of her. I’ve watched her struggle and go through so much & I’m genuinely happy she is where she’s at in her life at this point.
As of recently, she’s been a little indifferent towards me, starting with little things. Such as “you should stop doing winged eyeliner, you look like a little girl”, “you only wear thongs? that’s weird”, “don’t do your hair like that guys don’t like that”, etc. I just tossed it to the side and figured she’s grumpy and taking it out on me. The last thing I’ve noticed this with was when talking about money. We have talked money plenty of times before and we were perfectly fine. To be transparent, she works in administration at a high school, I work at a warehouse doing an extremely physical job all day (this is where I listen to the podcasts hehe). Our salaries are drastically different, but so are our living situations and bills. She is financially struggling, but I use struggle loosely. I would say in the same way, I am also financially struggling because I live alone.
I just got my first annual review and received a 5.5% raise (this is big) and my job also does cash profit sharing so they give us a bonus percentage of our take home pay at the end of the year. This year the bonus was 50%. My bonus after taxes came to be $22,000. I very excitedly told my best friend that I got my bonus, but didn’t tell her the amount. She said “cool, I’m still broke” and hasn’t spoken to me much since. Did I do something wrong here? She did the same thing when I told her about my raise yesterday because we’ve always done this. I just don’t see what I did wrong if I did do something. I thought friends celebrate together with big things like raises and bonuses?
First off congratulations on your bonus, that’s amazing. Secondly, never, ever tell anyone about your successes or how much money you’re making. It only leads to problems. Let everyone think you’re struggling.
Thank you! I think I agree with you here. I just thought it was normal because we’ve always talked about money. I thankfully did leave out the amount of the bonus, just put it here to have it make more sense because she does have a general understanding of what it could be. Is there anything you suggest I can do after telling??
Sharing successes with friends should be something joyful, not something that creates tension. I thought I was celebrating a win with someone I love, but maybe the timing or context made it harder for her to hear. I’m going to reflect on how I share good news and try to be more mindful moving forward.