I (20F) have been starting to get really annoyed by my mom’s new boyfriend. At first he was cool, but now I feel as though he is overstepping. My parents got divorced only a year and a half ago and my mom and her boyfriend have been together for roughly 6 months now. Of course I am happy that she found someone new, but his actions are bothering me. It started after she told him about an argument we had, and he randomly told me to “be graceful” to those around me. During my teenage years, my mom and I would argue a lot, but it was nothing out of the normal mother-daughter conflicts. I’ll admit that I do still have a bit of resentment towards her for some of the things that she has done/said, but I am working on it with therapy.
We are good for the most part, but sometimes she will have an attitude and I will use attitude back at her, which she probably told him and prompted him to say that. Either way, though I think it is none of his business the arguments I go through with my mom. The next thing that bothered me was on Thanksgiving when I was upset because of an argument with my boyfriend and needed some extra time to collect myself before going down to the table. My mom called me over the phone to come and I didn’t go immediately, but I said give me a few more minutes. It was then when I got a knock at the door and I said, “Who is it? Please don’t come in right now,” and her boyfriend burst through the door anyway and kept telling me to come downstairs right now. That rubbed me the wrong way completely and I was even more upset and hated being downstairs after that.
The last thing that happened with him was this evening when we went out to eat for Christmas Eve, and we had all finished eating so I slipped away to the bathroom to check my phone. My boyfriend was asking me about something important so I continued replying when I got back to the table. It wasn’t even one minute of me still being on my phone when he told me to put it away. I said “I will” and continued to text because I was just aggravated. My parents raised me to have manners and they never banned me from using my phone completely at the table, just not excessively, which I knew not to do anyway, and that was not what I was doing. The rest of the time, I just stayed quiet and couldn’t wait to go home. When I got home, I told her to tell him to stop telling me what to do, to which she replied, “You tell him,” and she seemed mad..
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
telling my mom to tell him to stop telling me what to do 2. because i don’t want to seem disrespectful.
TOP COMMENT
ESH You are an adult. Speak UP. If she won’t say anything, then you need to. Next time he meddles in your family business, remind him that he is your mother’s bf and he needs to mind his own business. That unless you ask for his opinion, he needs to keep them to himself. And if he complains to your mother, SHE will need to speak up.
REPLY
You are 20 years old. Why are you acting like a child. Stand up for yourself. He’s not your parent and even if he was you are an adult. You can be respectful but definitely set boundaries with him. Not sure why he’s being so “parenty” after 6 months and you being 20… it’s so weird
RESPONCE
“I am an adult, not a child, and not your child. You are just my mom’s boyfriend, and a guest in this house. You do not have the right to order me around, or to come into my room uninvited. If you invade my privacy like that again, I will assume that you are trying to catch me changing, and take the necessary action to protect myself.”
Soft YTA. Time to take charge of your own life, dear!
