I read this story on Reddit about a young mother, Emma, who was grappling with a difficult decision about her relationship with her mother-in-law (MIL). Emma, 25, and her boyfriend, a 32-year-old who works out of state for extended periods, have been together for nearly six years. They share a 3-year-old son. While her relationship with her boyfriend is strong, her MIL has been a consistent source of tension.
When Emma first met her MIL during her pregnancy, she seemed kind and loving. But cracks quickly appeared. MIL would make comments like, “Do you want to lose the baby?” if Emma moved a box or shifted furniture. She pressured Emma to get a job to help with bills, despite Emma’s challenging pregnancy marked by severe iron deficiency. Once Emma did get a job, MIL questioned how hard her pregnancy really was.
After Emma’s son was born, the comments didn’t stop. MIL frequently criticized her parenting choices, why Emma wasn’t breastfeeding or cooking, while paradoxically telling her she needed to rest and heal. Things came to a head recently when Emma discovered that a pair of her son’s first shoes, which she wanted as a keepsake, had mysteriously vanished after being in MIL’s care. Three months later, Emma found one shoe in MIL’s bedroom and asked for it back, only for MIL to casually mention she had sent them to be bronzed, giggling and saying, “If I ever get them back.”
This wasn’t the only boundary MIL crossed. Emma learned that MIL had showered with her son without her knowledge, something that deeply unsettled her. MIL also encouraged Emma’s son to call her by her first name, further straining their relationship. Despite Emma’s concerns, her boyfriend downplayed the issues, insisting that his mother was a saint and accusing Emma of being the problem.
Emma quit her job to stay home with her son and limit MIL’s involvement, but tensions remain. She feels trapped, unsure whether her feelings are valid or if she’s overreacting. The comments on her story were clear in their support for her:
“To me, the most concerning thing is that she is showering with your child. This is not OK. Is there any way not to be dependent on her for childcare? You could argue that it’s beneficial at this age for your child to interact and play with other children in a daycare setting.”
Emma replied, “I quit my job to be at home with my son so I would not have to rely on her as much. I’m just worried even that will have its issues.”
“In the end, it’s your child and your decisions to make. She clearly has some kind of delusion that she’s the mom. That needs to stop one way or another.”
Emma’s story highlights the challenge of navigating boundaries with an overbearing family member while trying to maintain a peaceful relationship with her partner. She knows changes need to be made, but the path forward feels daunting.