When I (41M) divorced my ex-wife (37F) five years ago we worked out a financial arrangement. I paid both child support for our son (12) and alimony to help her get back on her feet.
At the time she also took in her nephew (10 now) after her sister passed away. They’ve been living in our old home with the alimony and child support helping maintain their lifestyle.
About two years ago my ex started dating a new guy. Things got serious and recently she found out she’s pregnant. He moved in with her shortly after she learned about the pregnancy. He has a daughter from a previous relationship who also moved into the house. This change shifted the living arrangements. His daughter was given her own room while my son and his cousin were moved into one room to share.
My son wasn’t happy about this. He’s been vocal about how the new arrangement makes him feel uncomfortable and he asked to live with me full-time. I’ve wanted full custody since our divorce but I respected his wishes to stay with his mom. Now that he’s asked for the change I immediately began the legal process.
During this time I consulted my lawyer who informed me that my ex living with her boyfriend qualifies as grounds to terminate alimony in our state. Previously I believed alimony only ended if she remarried but my lawyer clarified that cohabitation is also sufficient. I decided to pursue ending alimony since my financial responsibility should be focused on my son. The court ruled in my favor and the payments have officially stopped.
Now my ex is furious. She’s only working part-time and her boyfriend is a medically retired firefighter so their finances are strained. She claims that the loss of alimony is unfair especially since they’re expecting a baby. While I understand her frustration I don’t feel it’s my obligation to subsidize her household especially now that she has another adult contributing.
For me the priority is ensuring my son has the support and stability he needs. The money saved from alimony can be put toward his future whether it’s education or other expenses down the line. The custody case is still ongoing but I’m hopeful the court will prioritize my son’s preferences and well-being.
I know my decision has caused tension but I believe I acted in the best interests of my child. The focus has to remain on providing for him and ensuring he feels secure in his living arrangements.