AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn’t get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children?

My relationship with my dad has always been strained, and recent events have only deepened that divide. He divorced my mom when I was a baby, and she passed away when I was just five years old.

After her death, he remarried, started a new family, and expected me to fully assimilate into his new life. My grief over losing my mom was largely ignored, and I was pressured to move on as if nothing had happened.

AITA for telling my dad his grief doesn't get to dictate the name my wife and I chose for our children?

When I was 13, my dad sat me down to ask me to let his wife adopt me. He told me it was time to officially accept her as my mother because she had been raising me longer than my biological mom had. I still kept a photo of my mom in my room and talked about her often, so I told him I couldn’t go through with the adoption.

His reaction was a tantrum, complete with foot stomping and pouting, before he stormed out of the room. He never mentioned it again, but the strain in our relationship only grew.

A few years ago, his wife passed away. At the time, my wife and I were planning our wedding. My dad made it clear he expected us to delay it for years out of respect for his loss. I told him that wasn’t going to happen. While he seemed to let it go, I realize now he was quietly holding onto resentment.

Now, my wife is pregnant with our first child, a daughter. We’ve chosen to name her after my mom, a decision that feels deeply personal and meaningful to us. The name also fits perfectly with my wife’s desire for a nature-inspired name. We haven’t officially announced the name, but during a family dinner, one of my siblings asked if we had chosen one. I replied that we weren’t ready to share yet.

That’s when my dad jumped in, assuming the baby would be named after his late wife. He became upset when I told him he didn’t know that for certain. He argued that if I had any respect for our family, I would honor her memory. He insisted that his grief and the grief of my siblings should influence my decision.

Later, he asked to speak with me privately. He accused me of being inconsiderate and suggested I must be planning to name the baby after “that woman,” meaning my mom. He said a good son would honor the woman who raised him and brought up how recent her death was.

I told him his grief didn’t give him the right to dictate what my wife and I name our child. I reminded him that when I was a grieving five-year-old, he didn’t seem to care about my feelings, so I wasn’t going to put his grief above my family’s decision now. I firmly told him the conversation about baby names was over.

Since then, he has accused me of being insensitive and invalidating his grief.

After hearing my story, people said my father’s grief doesn’t give him the right to control such a personal decision. Many noted that he seems dismissive of anyone’s feelings but his own and commended me for standing up for myself.

Others pointed out that grief is hard but doesn’t justify trying to dictate someone else’s choices, especially when my own grief was ignored as a child. They supported my decision to set boundaries and focus on what is best for my wife and me.