For the past six months, I’ve been in a relationship that felt like it had real potential. I (30M) met my partner (29MTF) on a dating app, and from the start, we connected on so many levels. We shared laughter, interests, and a growing bond that seemed unshakable.
But a few days ago, everything changed when my partner sat me down to share something deeply personal.
She told me she had been working through her identity and was finally ready to come out as MTF transgender. She expressed her intention to begin living her life authentically, embracing the woman she truly is. I was genuinely happy for her and told her so.
Coming out is an incredibly brave step, and I wanted her to know I supported her journey.
But as the conversation unfolded, reality set in. I am gay and have always been attracted to masculinity. It’s a fundamental part of who I am. I realized that as she embraced her authentic self, our relationship would inevitably change in a way that meant we couldn’t continue as partners.
I told her, as kindly as I could, that while I was happy for her and proud of her courage, I didn’t think we could continue dating. I wouldn’t be able to maintain a romantic relationship as she transitioned because, simply put, I’m not attracted to women.
Her reaction was immediate and intense. She accused me of being transphobic, saying I only cared about her physical appearance and not who she was as a person. I tried to explain that it wasn’t about rejecting her or her identity it was about being honest about my own. But she left, upset, and hasn’t spoken to me since.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on how I handled the situation. I know I can’t force myself to feel something I don’t, but I also don’t want to dismiss her pain or the courage it took to come out. Did I misstep by bringing up the relationship so soon after her revelation? Could I have handled it better?
I’m at a loss, hoping to strike a balance between respecting her journey and being true to myself. Was ending the relationship the right thing to do, or did I fail her in a moment she needed me most?