My wife and I have been married for 3 years and together for 7. A couple of months ago, my younger sister passed away in an accident, and I still haven’t been able to completely process it. My older sister (Maddie) and I were really close growing up, and our sister’s passing has really affected us a lot.
While I have started online grief therapy to deal with the grief, I also only feel comfortable talking about this with Maddie. Maddie too feels the same; in fact, she’s divorcing her husband over it because she says he’s been completely unsupportive and really selfish.
While my wife was supportive for the first month, from the second month, she started putting a lot of pressure on me. Before my younger sister passed away, my wife and I used to frequently go on romantic date nights and a ton of other fun stuff like that. But that has obviously reduced a lot, because on most days I’m just not in the mood. What irritates my wife more is when Maddie and I go out to dinner or a park; she says I should be doing that with her, not with Maddie.
Last night, I obviously wasn’t in the mood to celebrate Christmas or even be with my wife, because she just puts a lot of pressure on me. I went out with Maddie, and we played golf and did a bunch of other relaxing things. When I came back home at night, my wife was drunk and she casually asked when I would move on from my sister’s death. My wife instantly realized she shouldn’t have said it and apologized, but I just completely lost my cool and called my wife inconsiderate and selfish. I told my wife it’s only been 2 months; how could I have married such an inconsiderate, selfish person like her?
I blurted all of it out and it obviously hurt my wife, and I feel guilty about it. But I just can’t believe my wife would ask me that question. AITAH?
TOP COMMENT
Everyone sucks here. No, she shouldn’t have said it and, to her credit, she knew it wrong and apologized. Yes, you are grieving, but it also sounds like your wife is maybe feeling neglected and shut out of supporting you since, in spite of being your life partner, you say you can only talk to your sister and not your wife AND you left your wife alone on Christmas.
REPLY
Not to mention OP left his wife alone on Christmas to golf….
How is having fun with his sister is grieving together? But he is somehow too sad, too down to have fun with his wife, but not with others, his sister? Hmm…
ESH, OP sucks for completely shutting out his wife and pushing her away at every step, every minute. And OP and his sister’s grieving is clearly unhealthy, especially if his sister and her husband got to the divorce point in two months (and it sounds like OP is not far behind his sister’s divorce either with his own divorce). What his wife said was very shitty and she probably wouldn’t have worded it like that sober, but I can somewhat see why she is fed up with OP’s unhealthy behaviour.
RESPONCE
All OP has to do is look at what happened to his sister’s marriage to see his future. I wonder how much of it was really his former BIL truly being an unsupportive ahole and how much of it was him feeling pushed out in favor for his wife’s brother?
