My parents have made it clear where their priorities lie and it’s not with me. Their decision to leave nearly everything to my brother while expecting me to shoulder all their responsibilities after they’re gone has pushed me to my breaking point.
I’m a 24-year-old woman with an older brother 32 who has struggled his entire life. He did poorly in school, never pursued college and attempted two different trade schools welding and mechanics only to flunk out of both. He now works at a gas station and while there’s nothing wrong with that his inability to progress in life has consumed my parents’ focus.
Growing up my parents treated us fairly equally insisting we earn our own way. They refused to pay for my education so I joined the military at 17. I used the GI Bill to earn an associate degree then a bachelor’s and I’m currently pursuing my master’s. My husband and I have built a stable life buying our first home and setting ourselves up for success.
Meanwhile my parents fully funded both of my brother’s failed trade school attempts have bailed him out of rent trouble countless times and continuously provide him with “loans” they’ll never see repaid. They’ve supported him at every turn while I’ve received little financial or emotional backing. They didn’t help pay for my wedding or my education but I could live with that. What I can’t ignore is the glaring disparity in how they treat us as adults.
Recently they informed us of their will. Almost everything is going to my brother. They expect me to be their medical power of attorney manage their estate and ensure my brother is taken care of after they’re gone. The inequity stung deeply.
When I tried to voice my concerns they asked me to “have some grace” and understand that my brother in their words “isn’t very capable and needs the support.” They’ve even referred to him as “disabled” although he isn’t. He’s been tested for learning disabilities and doesn’t have any. He just has a below-average IQ. My mother’s insistence on framing this as a disability feels like an excuse.
Their expectations of me are immense especially when I stand to inherit almost nothing. Managing their affairs and potentially being responsible for my brother’s well-being after their passing is a burden I never agreed to carry. I told them to give everything to my brother and that I’m stepping away from the situation entirely.
When my mother recently asked for a ride to a doctor’s appointment I told her to ask my brother or call for an Uber. I feel conflicted but I can’t keep playing a role in a dynamic that feels so unfair.
My brother to his credit called me to apologize. He said he doesn’t want me to be angry with him. I reassured him that I’m not. It’s not his fault our parents have made these choices. My frustration lies with them not him.
After sharing this many people weighed in.
One person pointed out “Expecting you to handle all the heavy lifting managing their medical needs estate and your brother’s finances without proper compensation or support is a massive ask. They’re essentially making you responsible for everything while leaving you with nothing.”
Another noted “If your brother struggles as much as they say the inheritance might not even help him. It could actually put him in a worse situation. It sounds like he might need a conservatorship or financial oversight to keep him out of trouble. And yet they’re leaving you to pick up the pieces.”
Someone else added “The disparity in how you’ve been treated versus your brother is glaring. You’ve worked hard to earn everything you have and they’ve made excuse after excuse for him. It’s understandable why you feel done with them.”
Hearing these perspectives has only reinforced my belief that I made the right decision to set boundaries. At the end of the day I need to prioritize my own well-being over their expectations.