How do you move forward when you and your partner have completely different visions for your family’s future? That’s the struggle I’ve been facing with my wife for years.
I (34M) have been clear with my wife that I do not want more children. We already have two kids an 8-year-old son who is autistic requires extra attention and a 4-year-old daughter who has a strong-willed personality that keeps us on our toes. After our son was diagnosed, I realized that having more kids might not be in our best interest. He was nonverbal until the end of kindergarten and still needs significant support if we want to ensure he has a meaningful future after we’re gone.
Despite my feelings, my wife pressured me into having our daughter. We fought about it constantly and I eventually gave in. I shall admit there was a brief period after she was born when I resented the situation, though that faded quickly as I bonded with her. But now, four years later, we’re in the same situation again. My wife is talking about wanting a third child, while I’m firmly against it.
Raising kids is exhausting, expensive and emotionally draining. I already struggle to manage the responsibilities we have and I don’t think we’re financially stable enough to support another child. We currently live with my in-laws, which eases some financial pressure, but we have no realistic chance of getting a place of our own because we live in one of the most expensive states in the U.S. My $80k-a-year salary barely makes a dent when it comes to saving for a future home.
What makes things even harder is that my wife refuses to consider moving out of state, away from her mom. She’s extremely close to her and says she doesn’t want to be far from her because “she won’t live forever.” Meanwhile, my closest family member lives 1,600 miles away and I go years without seeing them. That distance breaks my heart, but I’ve made sacrifices because I love my wife and our children.
When I shared my story, many people suggested taking permanent steps, like scheduling a vasectomy, to ensure I don’t face this pressure again. Others emphasized the importance of being firm about my boundaries and not giving in out of guilt or fear of conflict.
Am I wrong for standing my ground and refusing to expand our family when I already feel stretched beyond my limits?