I (32F) have two young sons (ages 6 and 4). My mom has always had strong opinions about everything I do, but since becoming a mom myself, it feels like her critiques have been relentless. She constantly comments on how I feed them, discipline them, or even what clothes I dress them in.
For context, I’m financially secure and have the resources to give my boys a comfortable life, but my parenting philosophy is very different from how I was raised. I don’t believe in harsh punishments, and I try to be as gentle and understanding as possible. My mom, however, thinks I’m “spoiling” them. She’s called me “soft” and says I’m raising “entitled brats.”
Last weekend, we had a family dinner at my house. My 4-year-old had a tantrum because he didn’t want to eat what I made. Instead of escalating the situation, I calmed him down and offered an alternative, which eventually worked. My mom, however, loudly berated me in front of everyone, saying I was “failing as a mother” and letting my kids “walk all over me.”
I got into a heated argument with her. I told her that if she couldn’t respect how I choose to raise my children, I wouldn’t tolerate her constant criticism. The room went silent. She stormed out shortly after, and now my family is divided. Some say I should’ve just let it go to avoid conflict. Others think I was justified in standing up for myself.
Now my mom is telling everyone that I embarrassed her and made her feel unwelcome in my home. I feel bad because I don’t want to deprive my boys of a relationship with their grandmother, but I also feel like her behavior was unacceptable.
AITAH?
TOP COMMENT
NTA and who needs a grandma like this? My grandparents were my safe space and there is no way they would have pulled this shit
REPLY
I’m the exact same way. There have been exactly 2 times I’ve interjected into my daughter’s marriage or raising her kids. The first was shortly after my first grandson was born and dad decided that rather than being a husband or father, he would game for about 15 hours a day, sleep until 11am, then get back on his game. I only said to her his behavior was concerning and [as a gamer myself], I understood the draw but when he’s doing nothing to help her or the baby, it made me worry and maybe they should have open communication and dialogue to come up with a solution that worked for them both. He turned out to be an amazing dad in the end but he was young and didn’t know exactly how to transition from a young 20-year-old to a husband and father.
The second, I went a little more intense; she would leave my grandson in the bath alone from 1 year on to do household things, i.e. cook dinner and I went in hard to tell her how insane this was and sent her article after article describing the statistics and how unsafe this was and how humans can actually drown in something as small as an inch of water (exact measurements may be off, but it’s so much less than what people think.)
I regret neither and honestly think delivery of messages makes the largest impact. Choose the battle people.
RESONCE
You are NTA, BUT, and this is a big but, PLEASE do not allow your children to be brats because you were abused by your mother! This is a reality for a lot of parents. They allow their kids to act up and act out, even though the kid’s behavior is horrible, all because their parents were harsh. Make sure you don’t become one of “those” parents. Keep your distance from your mother. She is toxic. She is also immature. Next time she attacks you, if you want to be petty, tell her that you would listen to her, but you know a child she raised and that child was miserable because of how horrible she was. Counseling may be very beneficial for you.
