When I found out I was pregnant, I expected excitement, joy and maybe even a little anxiety about becoming a first-time mom. What I didn’t expect was that my biggest challenge would be setting boundaries with my mother-in-law.
I (27F) recently married my husband (27M) in May and we were thrilled to discover I’m expecting our first child. While this should be a time of celebration, things quickly became stressful due to my husband’s very close-knit and sometimes overbearing family.
For context, my husband’s parents have two children: my sister-in-law (29F) and my husband. I come from a family of three sisters and have seen how my siblings set firm boundaries, especially when it comes to their kids being shared on social media. I’ve learned to respect that by only posting photos that hide their children’s faces. My husband’s family, however, doesn’t seem to believe in boundaries at all.
Recently, while discussing a mutual friend’s upcoming birth, my MIL casually mentioned how excited she was to meet the baby before leaving for a New Year’s trip. I couldn’t help but wonder why she assumed she’d be invited to such a personal moment, especially during cold and flu season. She just gave me a dismissive look and moved on.
A week later, we found out I was pregnant. My husband was so excited that he immediately told his parents and sister, even though we were still processing the news ourselves. Soon after, I was flooded with congratulatory messages from extended family many of whom I barely know which left me feeling overwhelmed and hurt. I hadn’t even told my own parents yet.
When I expressed how this upset me, especially since it was still very early in the pregnancy, my husband quickly apologized and understood where I was coming from. We agreed that we needed to set clear expectations going forward.
We had dinner with his family to celebrate, but also to establish some boundaries. As soon as we sat down, my MIL dove into questions about our birth plans, guessing potential due dates and even talking about taking time off work to “be there.” Then she confidently announced she couldn’t wait to be in the delivery room and began making plans to move into our house afterward “to help with the baby.”
I glanced at my husband, hoping he’d step in, but she kept talking without giving us a chance to respond. Finally, I gently but firmly interrupted her and explained that only my husband and I would be in the delivery room. We also wanted a week at home alone with our baby before having visitors. As for her staying with us, I thanked her for the offer but made it clear that it wouldn’t be necessary.
She looked shocked and insisted her son would want her there. Thankfully, my husband backed me up, stating that he fully supported our decision. My father-in-law, sensing the tension, reminded her that times have changed and that this was ultimately our choice.
While she eventually seemed to accept it, she still pushed for control. She asked if she could plan a gender reveal party, to which I calmly replied that we were keeping the baby’s gender a surprise. Her response? “That’s okay, just bring me the ultrasound photos I’ll be able to tell.”
By that point, I was emotionally drained and stayed quiet for the rest of the evening. Since then, I’ve felt distant from my husband, even though I know he tried to support me.
Today, I received a text from one of his relatives, accusing me of being selfish and “robbing” my MIL of the experience of being in the delivery room. But giving birth isn’t a spectator event it’s a deeply personal experience that I believe should happen on my terms.
When I shared this story with others, I was relieved to hear support. Many couldn’t believe someone would feel entitled to be present during such an intimate moment. Some suggested notifying the hospital to ensure she wouldn’t be allowed near the delivery room if she tried to push her way in. A few even recommended keeping our labor plans completely private until after the baby is born to avoid unwanted pressure. Others reassured me that my health, comfort and emotional well-being come first not my MIL’s feelings.
Am I really wrong for wanting privacy and control over such a life-changing moment?
Please do comment and share your feelings about this incident as well.