I read a story on Reddit about a woman (32F) seeking advice about a recurring conflict with her husband (31M) over holiday plans. They’ve been married for 10 years, and while they’ve maintained a tradition of alternating holidays between her family and his, tensions have been rising as her husband proposes a significant change.
Here’s the background: She moved 11 hours away from most of her family to be with her husband. Growing up, her family alternated holidays spending one with her mom’s side and the next with her dad’s. Her husband’s family, however, always celebrated exclusively with his mom’s side due to estrangement from his dad’s family, aside from a few members who occasionally joined.
For the past decade, they’ve followed a rotation that splits Thanksgiving and Christmas between their families. Her husband has gone along with this arrangement, albeit reluctantly, to make her and her mom happy. Now, he’s proposing that her immediate family join his family’s holiday gatherings instead of continuing to alternate. His reasoning includes:
- His family gatherings are larger and include more children, making them more lively and engaging for their kids.
- Her family’s celebrations are smaller and often just include her immediate relatives.
- Her family is more financially stable and can take time off work to travel more easily.
- He feels it’s time to prioritize what might be more enjoyable for their children.
She understands his perspective but is struggling because she only gets to see her family a few times a year. Her mother has even voiced that she doesn’t want to join his family’s gatherings, emphasizing the limited time they already have together.
She’s now questioning if she’s being selfish for wanting to keep alternating holidays and occasionally having time with just her family. She’s looking for an outside perspective on whether she’s being unfair to her husband and kids.
“You’re not selfish for wanting to maintain a connection with your family, especially given the distance. But maybe there’s a compromise, like hosting your own holidays to bring both families together occasionally?”
“It’s about balance. If your husband has been accommodating for 10 years, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate how to make holidays work for everyone. But your feelings are valid, too.”
“If you see his family daily and yours only a few times a year, it makes sense to spend holidays with your family sometimes. Don’t lose sight of what’s important to you.”
This story highlights the complexity of balancing family traditions, logistical challenges, and personal relationships. What do you think is she being unreasonable, or is her husband’s proposal unfair?