Today was supposed to be a routine pre-op appointment for my hysterectomy, a procedure I’ve been discussing with my doctor for over a year. Instead, it turned into a stressful and infuriating encounter that left me questioning how a nurse could so blatantly overstep professional boundaries.
It started normally enough, with the nurse checking my vitals and running through the standard questions. But then she asked why I was pursuing something “so drastic” for what she called “just period pain.” I explained that it wasn’t just period pain.
It was debilitating, life-altering pain. Walking my five-year-old to school causes me so much agony that I’m nearly in tears by the time I sit down again. The bleeding is so severe that I have to plan my children’s schedules around it. I’m exhausted and ready to take back some control over my life.
Her response? She asked what I’d do if I ever divorced my husband and a future partner wanted kids. I was stunned but answered, “I have three kids—they can pick one.” She corrected me, saying they’d want a biological child. I just shrugged and said, “That’s too bad for them, then.”
But it didn’t stop there. She questioned why I hadn’t tried birth control pills to manage the bleeding. I explained that I didn’t want to keep using temporary fixes for a problem that wasn’t going away. Then she suggested I should consider an endometrial ablation instead of a hysterectomy. I pointed out that ablation also makes it impossible to have children and, unlike a hysterectomy, isn’t a permanent solution. I reminded her that I’m only 32 and could potentially deal with this pain for another 15 to 20 years. “Why not fix the root problem instead of slapping another band-aid on it?” I asked.
She rolled her eyes and led me to the exam room, where I waited for my doctor. I was already upset, but when I got home and checked my patient notes, I saw that she had written I was “rude and combative.”
I couldn’t believe it. I was firm in defending my choices, yes, but her behavior was highly inappropriate. Instead of supporting me during a stressful time, she questioned my decisions, implied I hadn’t thought them through, and inserted her personal values into a medical discussion.
After reading my notes, I immediately emailed my doctor to bring the situation to her attention.
When people heard my story, they said the nurse’s behavior was completely out of line. They agreed it was unethical for her to use her personal beliefs to question my medical decisions, especially before such a significant procedure. Many encouraged me to file a formal complaint with the office and the nursing board to ensure her behavior doesn’t negatively impact other patients.
It’s clear this was about more than a difference of opinion—it was about respect for a patient’s autonomy. I’ve made peace with my decision, and no one, especially not a nurse, has the right to undermine that.
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