When my dad’s parents told my mom that I wasn’t their “real” grandson it felt like the floor dropped out from under me. They said it in the middle of an argument unprovoked and in front of me and my younger brother. The words have stayed with me ever since and now months later I’ve made a decision they aren’t happy about.
It all started in November when my dad’s parents announced they were starting a college fund for my 11-year-old brother. My mom was surprised but thanked them and asked why they brought it up. They explained it was because they wanted to make sure their grandson didn’t have to worry about paying for college. My mom confused asked if they had started one for me. That’s when they said “He’s not our real grandson so no.”
Hearing that shattered me. It wasn’t about the money. It was about the realization that they didn’t see me as part of their family. My dad adopted me when I was 5 after dating my mom for a few years. He’s been the only father I’ve ever known. To me he’s my dad in every way and I always thought his parents felt the same about me.
The argument escalated. My mom tried to defend me but my grandparents stood by their words saying I’d “get something else” and accusing her of expecting too much. They eventually apologized but it was only because my dad made them. It didn’t feel genuine and I started keeping my distance from them.
Fast forward to Christmas. My parents mentioned my upcoming senior pictures and graduation. My grandparents started talking about how excited they were to see me graduate and how proud they were. I couldn’t believe it. Just a month ago they said I wasn’t their real grandson. Now they were excited to celebrate my milestone?
I told them I didn’t want them at my graduation. It was awkward. They asked why and I reminded them of what they’d said about me. I told them it didn’t make sense for them to want to come when they clearly didn’t view me as part of their family. My dad’s parents said I should move on since they had apologized and didn’t mean harm. But their apology wasn’t genuine it was forced.
My dad is upset and says I’ve hurt their feelings. He wants me to apologize and invite them to my graduation but I can’t do it. My mom understands my perspective and supports me though she worries about how it’s affecting my dad.
People who’ve heard my story have shared their thoughts.
One person said “NTA. The fact that they said that never mind in front of you is outrageous. There are consequences for actions and words and they’re upset they have to face them.”
Another added “NTA. Your feelings are hurt and your feelings are just as valid. Once you say something like that you can’t take it back no matter how much you wish you could.”
Their words have helped me feel more confident in my decision. I care about my dad but I also need to stand up for myself. Some things can’t be unsaid no matter how much someone wants to move on.