AITAH for telling my husband that he would be responsible for his daughter from now on?

I’ve reached my breaking point. For years, I’ve loved my stepdaughter as if she were my own, treating her no differently than my biological children. She’s been with us since she was 5 and is about to turn 13. But over the past year, her behavior has become almost impossible to handle.

It started with small lies things like whether she fed the dog or did her chores. But over time, the lies escalated. She began fabricating elaborate stories about crushes, fights at school, and situations that simply didn’t happen. Even when we confront her with proof, she refuses to admit the truth until there’s no way to deny it.

The worst incident happened earlier in December. I had just finished a night shift and was exhausted. My stepdaughter offered to watch her younger siblings so I could rest for 30 minutes before getting up at 9 a.m. It seemed like a kind gesture, so I agreed. When I woke up, she was gone.

She had left the house with the dog, leaving my six-month-old baby crying in his bouncer and my two other children (4 and 6 years old) unsupervised. My daughter smeared dish soap all over the bathroom and locked herself inside when she heard me coming. My son told me his sister had taken the dog for a walk.

I handled the chaos at home and realized she had been gone for over an hour. I started searching around our small town, growing more panicked by the minute. My husband eventually left work to help, and we ended up calling the police. Six hours later, search and rescue found her. To this day, she refuses to tell us where she went or why she disappeared.

Fast forward to today. She claimed her stomach had been hurting for two days. She said she had thrown up and had diarrhea, though we never witnessed any of it. Feeling bad, I took her to urgent care, even though I had just recovered from a cold, sinus infection, stomach bug, and kidney infection myself.

On the way, I asked her to tell me if she was exaggerating so we wouldn’t waste time or resources. She insisted her pain was real. At the clinic, she told the doctor the same, though in the waiting room, she was laughing and acting completely normal. The doctor suggested going to the ER to rule out appendicitis.

At the ER, it became clear she had been exaggerating her symptoms. Tests ruled out anything serious, and yet there I was, spending hours waiting for results while she laughed and joked like nothing was wrong. My husband couldn’t switch places with me because he had no gas to make the drive into town.

That was the final straw. I called my husband and told him I was done. From now on, he would handle everything related to her discipline, appointments, school meetings, all of it. I couldn’t do it anymore. He thinks I’m overreacting and that I’m just overwhelmed, reminding me that I married him knowing she was part of the package.

But I’m at my limit. I’ve tried my best to parent her with love and patience, but this year has been relentless. Am I wrong for asking him to step up and take full responsibility for her now? Something has to change because I can’t keep doing this alone.

People who read my story had mixed reactions but many empathized with my situation:

One person said, “It sounds like you’re completely overwhelmed and trying your best in a very difficult situation. Your husband absolutely needs to step up and take on more of the parenting responsibilities, especially since she’s his biological daughter. This shouldn’t all fall on you.”

Another pointed out, “NTA. But the behavior your stepdaughter is showing is really concerning. The lying, secrecy, and extreme actions suggest there might be something deeper going on here. This could be a sign of trauma, bullying, or even grooming. She may need professional help, and her father needs to take this seriously and get involved.”

Many agreed that my frustrations were valid but felt this wasn’t a situation I should be handling on my own. They urged me to prioritize seeking support—from my husband and potentially a therapist for both myself and my stepdaughter.