The writer, a man in his 40s, made the difficult decision to cut contact with his mother three years ago due to her hoarding. Growing up, their house was always filled with clutter, and as the years went on, her hoarding escalated. The writer has two older sisters, one of whom also struggles with hoarding tendencies, while the other does not. Fortunately, with his husband’s support, the writer was able to overcome his own hoarding issues and prioritize a healthier lifestyle.
His mother, however, refuses to part with anything, including broken or molding items, and has created unsafe living conditions in her home. The situation reached a breaking point three years ago when she revealed she no longer had working plumbing but refused to have it fixed due to the mess in her house. The writer urged her to seek professional help, and she promised to address the issue by Thanksgiving of that year. When nothing changed, she claimed her psychiatrist told her she wasn’t doing anything wrong and accused the writer of setting her back in therapy.
Feeling like his mother was prioritizing her hoard over their relationship, the writer decided to remove himself from the situation and cut contact. Now, over three years later, family members, including his father and one of his sisters, are pressuring him to reconnect, saying he’ll regret it if something happens to his mom before they reconcile. They argue that her hoarding only affects her and insist he should accept her as she is.
The writer feels torn. He believes that reconnecting would send the message that he’s okay with how she’s living, which he isn’t. Despite the pressure, he’s unsure if he’s being stubborn or if maintaining his boundaries is the right choice.
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