A young woman shared her discomfort about a situation in her relationship that seemed to cause some internal conflict. She and her boyfriend, who is 28, have a great relationship and get along wonderfully with his family. His mom is particularly warm and welcoming, which has made things easier for her. However, one aspect of their family dynamic left her feeling uneasy—her boyfriend still kisses his mom on the lips.
Coming from a family where such displays of affection stopped at a young age, she found this behavior unusual. It wasn’t something she had seen often, and the fact that her boyfriend’s mom didn’t do the same with his brother made it feel even more peculiar. After discussing it with her boyfriend, she learned that he wasn’t particularly fond of it either but continued out of habit or to avoid conflict.
At first, she wondered if her feelings were valid and whether she should bring it up again. Wanting to understand if others had faced similar situations, she sought advice. Some responses validated her perspective, noting that if her boyfriend didn’t enjoy it, it might be worth addressing further. Others offered a cultural lens, explaining that family traditions like this vary widely and don’t inherently carry deeper meaning.
After some reflection and reading through the constructive feedback, she had an epiphany. This was a “her issue,” stemming from her upbringing and discomfort with certain physical displays of affection. Her boyfriend’s family dynamic didn’t have to align with hers, and she realized it wasn’t her place to dictate what was right or wrong for them.
Ultimately, she decided to drop the matter and embrace the quirks of his family. She acknowledged her boyfriend’s mother as an incredible woman who raised an amazing son and expressed gratitude for their bond. In her own words: “I realize now that it’s not a big deal just a normal family thing for some people. I was wrong here.”
It’s weird because he says he doesn’t like it and maybe the other brother has set the boundary but he hasn’t. But it doesn’t have to be a cultural thing, just a family one. If it happens from a young age, it’s not weird. Among my extended family, there are those who do and those who don’t, even among siblings. The major thing is he doesn’t like it. Why does he still do it? Maybe just to make mom happy. Assuming it’s a little peck, it’s a harmless way to show love to a parent.
That is super wholesome. I hope my kids humor me by asking for my advice that they won’t follow, lol. But that is really sweet, thank you for sharing it.