I read a story on Reddit about a woman navigating a difficult relationship with her mother-in-law (MIL), whom she believes to be a covert narcissist. The MIL’s behavior worsened after the woman and her husband announced their first pregnancy two years ago, and the situation has only escalated since.
This year, the woman experienced a molar pregnancy, a rare and traumatic condition where tumors grow instead of a viable pregnancy. Some of the tumors turned cancerous, but fortunately, they shrank and disappeared before chemotherapy was necessary. Shortly after, she became pregnant again. Instead of offering congratulations, the MIL made the experience about herself, saying that the molar pregnancy affected her more than anyone else because she couldn’t see her granddaughter. She added that such a situation couldn’t happen again.
The woman and her husband were both shocked by the comment. Her husband confronted his mother and asked her to apologize, but she never did. When she visited them for Christmas, the woman tried to keep her distance and grey rock to avoid conflict. However, the visit was emotionally draining, and her husband had multiple panic attacks leading up to and during the visit. He once again asked his mother to apologize, but she refused.
Now, the woman wants to go no contact with her MIL, but her husband isn’t ready to take that step. He believes that a car accident his mother was in a few years ago might explain her behavior, and he holds onto hope that she’ll eventually come around. The woman, however, feels that her MIL’s narcissism will prevent her from ever taking accountability or changing.
With her due date in February and a planned c-section, the woman is conflicted about how to handle the situation. She doesn’t want her MIL around during her recovery, but she also doesn’t want to create additional tension with her husband, who is clearly struggling to come to terms with his mother’s behavior. She’s seeking advice on how to set boundaries, handle her husband’s feelings, and decide whether her children should continue seeing their grandmother while she and her husband figure things out.
Without an apology, she should not have been invited to visit. She isn’t apologizing because she thinks she’s done nothing wrong. How dare she make your pregnancy and tumors all about her.
When you give birth, if you don’t want her anywhere near you, go with that. Explain to your DH that you need to surround yourself with people who care and support you, and since she does neither, you don’t want her there. This is your medical event. Tell him if he were having surgery and wanted his mom around, you’d support his wishes. Hopefully, he’ll agree.
And I’d tell her I wanted her nowhere near me just as rudely as she made those unforgivable comments. What she said was outrageous.
The story resonated with many, sparking discussions about boundaries, self-care, and how to navigate relationships with toxic family members while protecting one’s mental health and well-being.