A mom recently shared her heartfelt struggle on Reddit, seeking advice on how to handle a difficult situation between her 16-year-old daughter and her emotionally unavailable ex-husband.
The mom explained that she and her ex divorced in 2016 when their daughter was eight. Over the years, the daughter has grown increasingly frustrated with her father’s inability to engage in meaningful conversations. He has a habit of shutting down dialogue with immediate, definitive answers, rarely asking questions or truly listening. While this behavior isn’t personal (he does it to everyone), it’s deeply affecting their daughter.
Recently, the daughter confided in her mom that she’s having a hard time connecting with her dad. She tries to talk to him about everything from baking cookies to how she’s feeling but his dismissive responses leave her feeling unheard and unvalued. She’s even expressed a desire to create distance from him when she leaves for college in two years, saying she doesn’t want to be around him as much.
The mom is heartbroken for both of them. She feels for her daughter, who’s an amazing person just trying to connect with her dad, but also for her ex, knowing he’s missing out on truly knowing his incredible child.
Now, the mom is torn. Should she intervene and try to get her ex to change his ways, even though she knows he likely won’t listen? Should she encourage her daughter to confront him directly? Or should she step back and let their relationship evolve (or not) on its own?
“Encourage your daughter to express how she feels, but also let her know it’s okay to set boundaries for her own emotional well-being. You can support her without forcing her to fix the relationship.”
“If talking to him won’t work, maybe write him a letter. Sometimes people need time to absorb hard truths, and a letter might give him the chance to reflect without shutting down.”
“It’s not your job to fix their relationship, but you can model good communication for your daughter. Let her know her feelings are valid and remind her that it’s okay to prioritize her own mental health.”
This situation is a reminder of how complex family dynamics can be, especially post-divorce. What would you do in this mom’s shoes? Should she step in or let her daughter take the lead?