He’s (40m) living with them because he is on parole and can’t find anywhere to rent to him and is also shockingly having trouble finding work.
The fried hippy mom, who hilariously likes to see herself as some sort of feminist, has stated that he has paid his debt to society by going to prison and has repeatedly made comments that I am overreacting by refusing to step foot in that house.
We have missed Christmas/Thanksgiving with them for years while this situation was ongoing. I have told my husband that he can make his own choice, but I’m not involving myself. He has chosen not to go either, which his mom also blames me for.
The worst part about it is both his grandparents only have a few years left due to multiple cancers, so missing these holidays has really weighed heavy on my husband. He has made the comment that it’s like his mom is choosing a criminal over him.
I’m especially pissed off about the mom’s attitude because she refuses to look at the viewpoint of the victim. And furthermore, she is demonizing me for judging him when she doesn’t even have any idea about my past history of being the victim of that same type of abuse.
I’m worried being around someone like that will really affect me, but apparently I’m ruining the holidays.
AITAH for cutting them off? The crime happened about 10 years ago. Does everyone deserve forgiveness once they have paid for their crimes? I don’t think sex offenders should be granted it, but apparently some people do.
And what the hell should I do for the inevitable upcoming funerals? I want to go to support my husband’s grieving, but I know the brother will be there.
EDIT: The crime was sex with a minor child. We think about 16 or 17 when he was in his 30s.
COMMENT
Clarification question: Does your husband’s grandparents live with your parents?
I ask because if they don’t, can you maybe make arrangements to spend dinners with them without going to your husband’s parents house?
You are absolutely NOT the AH, by the way. YOU aren’t ruining the holidays. The sexual pervert ruined them 10 years ago. And, no, in my experience certain crimes do not deserve forgiveness and raping a child is one of them.
REPLY
Then take grandparents out for dinner instead. At least maybe every other week. That way, hubby can still get to spend quality time with them while they are still around.
RESPONCE
They live a few states over from us. The dinner idea is a really good idea but unfortunately they are not very mobile or able to do outings because of their health. The mom actually cares for them a lot, so she is always there. It’s a sad situation all around.
