I read a story on Reddit about a mother who went no-contact with her mother-in-law (MIL) due to ongoing disrespect and boundary issues. The conflict escalated when her husband took their two-year-old son to his parents’ house for a post-Christmas lunch, only for the mother to later discover that her MIL had hosted an entire birthday party for her son without her knowledge.
According to the post, the mother has been no-contact with her MIL for a year because of repeated instances of disrespect, including dismissing her role as a mother and wife. The husband had suggested taking their son to visit his parents for what was supposed to be a quiet Christmas lunch, and the mother had no reason to suspect anything beyond a simple family gathering. However, when she saw photos from the event, she realized her MIL had planned and hosted a birthday party, inviting extended family members who brought birthday cards and gifts for her son.
While some commenters suggested she should be grateful her son was celebrated and surrounded by family, the mother expressed deep sadness and frustration. She hadn’t been informed about the party, and her husband didn’t think to tell her that additional family members would be present. She also worried about how her son might feel in the future, realizing his mother wasn’t at his birthday celebrations. She suspected this might not be the last time her MIL tries to take over these important moments in his life.
Your husband basically showed you with his actions that his mother deserves to be at your son’s birthday celebration but you don’t.
DH minimizing your feelings about not being included in your son’s birthday party is BS.
He’s acting like more of a husband to his mom than to you. He and his mom threw a birthday party for LO without you. If your husband was unaware this was going to happen (which I doubt), as soon as he realized what was going on, he should have packed LO up and left because you weren’t there.
If he does not see a problem with his wife missing a milestone moment with LO, he needs therapy. Both you and LO should be NC with his family after this. DH can visit his mother whenever he wants, but you and LO won’t be going.
Looking at your past posts, it seems like DH has issues standing up to his mom, and you have issues saying no to him for fear of causing a conflict. Do you want your LO to grow up thinking this family dynamic is normal? If your child sees you and your DH constantly disrespected and having your boundaries violated, they are going to learn that if someone is mean to them, they should just roll over and go along with whatever the bully says rather than rock the boat.
I can’t afford an award, so this is all I have to offer you
This is exactly it. I don’t believe for one second that he didn’t know there was going to be a party. He knew and he chose his mother’s wants and feelings over OP’s.
OP, your husband is a problem and a genuine AH