I read this story on Reddit about a woman grappling with how to handle her MIL and extended family’s expectations around the birth of her first child. Married for just over a year, she and her husband are expecting their baby in two months. The MIL has made it clear that she wants to be notified as soon as labor begins so she can be present for the birth a request the woman is increasingly uncomfortable with.
Her MIL has a history of making her feel like an outsider in the family. From forcing her to split costs for a baby shower heavily tilted in favor of the MIL’s daughter, to treating her and her husband as secondary members of the family such as not personalizing their Christmas stockings or giving minimal effort in return for thoughtful gifts, she’s left feeling undervalued and disrespected.
The stress doesn’t end there. The family expects her and her husband to do most of the traveling for visits, and MIL’s own mother advised her to “keep quiet” to avoid making things harder for herself. This combination of high expectations and lack of reciprocity has worn her down, especially as she faces the immense challenge of preparing for an unplanned pregnancy.
Now, as she contemplates the deeply personal and vulnerable experience of childbirth, she feels torn. On one hand, her people-pleasing tendencies make her reluctant to set firm boundaries. On the other hand, she’s beginning to realize that allowing MIL to intrude during such an intimate time may worsen her postpartum stress and anxiety.
The woman is looking for advice on how to navigate this situation, whether she should simply delay notifying the family about the baby’s birth, enforce a firm boundary about no visits in the first few weeks, or find another approach.
she and her baby’s well-being should be her top priority, and it’s okay to establish boundaries that protect her mental and physical health during this sensitive time.