MIL wrote her own boundaries to counter us

I read this story on Reddit about a woman navigating a difficult relationship with her mother-in-law, who recently drafted her own “boundaries” in response to limits set by the couple. Instead of creating healthy guidelines, the MIL outlined demands that reflected entitlement and control.

For example, under “physical space,” the MIL insisted she be allowed to decorate the back house of their property despite the fact that the couple had just bought the house, and the back house was not hers to claim. For “emotional space,” she wrote statements like: “I am not responsible for other people’s own insecurities” and “I will not let anyone other than myself or (my son) dictate how my relationship with (my son) will be.” These weren’t boundaries but thinly veiled assertions of dominance and a refusal to respect the couple’s decisions.

The woman explained that her MIL has a long history of overstepping, including overstaying visits and acting as if her son owed her the world. Since their marriage, the couple had limited the MIL to visiting just 20 days a year, yet she still tried to manipulate situations to her advantage. Her behavior often strained the marriage, as she treated the woman’s husband more like a spouse than a son a classic case of emotional enmeshment.

The woman expressed her commitment to trusting her husband unless he failed to maintain their marriage’s boundaries. She revealed she had a “backup plan” of leaving the situation entirely if it became untenable, emphasizing the importance of having control over her choices.

Pointing out that what the MIL had written were not boundaries but demands: “Boundaries are limits on what we personally tolerate. What she wrote is a list of expectations she has for you to fulfill.” This resonated deeply with the woman, who realized her MIL’s behavior was part of a pattern of entitlement and manipulation.

Her husband’s cautious attitude toward his mother started to make more sense in hindsight. Though he had warned her about his mother’s behavior, the full extent of the MIL’s toxicity only became clear after they were married. Now, the woman is resolute in maintaining her boundaries and protecting her marriage while recognizing that the MIL’s unreasonable behavior is a challenge they’ll need to address together.