I read this story on Reddit about a young man who was trying to set a condition for his girlfriend before she moved in with him, but it wasn’t going well. The guy explained that his girlfriend, who’s 22, doesn’t have a driver’s license and has shown little motivation to get one. He felt it was important for her to get her license before moving in together so she could be more independent and not rely on him for transportation.
His reasoning was practical, he didn’t want to be her permanent chauffeur, especially since she’d already been reluctant to take steps toward getting her license despite his support. He had even made plans to help her get her license more quickly, but every time he brought up the topic, it led to arguments because she felt sensitive and triggered by the issue.
When he told her about this condition, she became upset, saying things like, “This is how I know I love you more than you love me,” and accusing him of not being supportive enough. She argued that if their roles were reversed, she would do everything for him, including driving him wherever he needed to go.
He felt stuck because he’d been encouraging her to get her license for months, but she hadn’t made much progress. He feared that if she moved in without it, she’d continue to avoid the responsibility and he’d be stuck driving her indefinitely. He acknowledged that part of her hesitation might stem from her upbringing in a very strict and overprotective household, where her mother didn’t prepare her or her siblings for adulthood. Her brother didn’t get his license until his 20s either.
In the end, the guy was left questioning if he was wrong for setting this condition. Was he being too harsh, or was he just trying to encourage her independence and self-sufficiency?
“You’re not wrong for wanting your girlfriend to be independent. Driving is a necessary life skill for most people. If she’s resistant now, it’s unlikely to improve after moving in. You’re protecting yourself from becoming her full-time chauffeur, which is fair.”
“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I’ve tried to help her see how much better things could be for her with a license, but she’s so resistant. It’s exhausting.”
“It sounds like you’re being reasonable. If she’s not motivated to get her license now, what’s the guarantee she will be later? You’re setting a boundary that protects your relationship from resentment.”
“Thank you for understanding. I want to help her, but I also need to protect my own mental health and avoid future arguments over this.”
In this story, it’s clear that while the boyfriend’s intentions are rooted in practicality and care for his girlfriend’s independence, the emotional tension and her resistance make it a complicated issue to navigate.