I met my friend Eloise (23m) at uni a few years ago, and we’ve been close ever since. After graduation, we decided to live together with another mutual friend. Eloise grew up in a very religious family but didn’t observe her faith much during university. She had boyfriends, partied, and dressed however she wanted, until last summer when everything changed.
After finishing uni and spending a wild summer interrailing around Europe, Eloise decided that lifestyle wasn’t for her anymore. She committed fully to her faith, embracing modest dressing, giving up partying, and choosing abstinence until marriage. I admire her dedication. it’s inspiring to see someone live so fully by their values.
A few months ago, she met a guy through her religious community, and after two months of courting, he proposed. They’re planning to get married late summer after he finishes his master’s degree. While I was happy for her at first, I started feeling concerned. Their engagement seemed rushed, and worse, I’ve overheard them arguing a lot through the thin wall we share in our flat.
Eloise has mentioned that they have some big disagreements about personal beliefs. She’s also been critical of him when we talk privately. It worries me that her longing for a relationship, driven by religious expectations, might be clouding her judgment.
I’ve been hesitant to bring up my concerns because Eloise can be sensitive to anything she sees as criticism. I’ve only dropped a few subtle hints, but I’m starting to feel like I’m failing her as a friend by staying quiet. I just don’t know how to approach this without upsetting her or sounding judgmental.
“My advice? Stay out of it. You can check in and see how everything’s going, but that’s it. You gotta let this play out.” Another agreed, “This right here, OP. Sometimes, you just have to let things run their course. Is she moving quickly? Yeah. Will it work out? Who knows , If not, that’s what divorce is for.”
“While I appreciate your concern, I think you need to stay out of it UNLESS she specifically asks for your advice. If you’re a good, safe friend, which from the sounds of it you are, she’ll turn to you if she needs help. That’s all you can do.”
I tried keeping my distance, but she has asked me what I would do in her situation when they’ve hit rough patches. The problem is, her life path feels so opposite to mine. I’m happily single and can’t see myself settling down anytime soon, so it’s hard to give advice without my personal bias creeping in.
I’m really struggling with how to navigate this. Do I wait and let her figure it out? Or do I risk saying something and possibly damaging our friendship? This is one of those life moments where there’s no clear right answer just a hope that whatever choice I make comes from a place of love and respect.