So, I (25F) have a roommate, Sara (26F), who recently started dating this guy, Tom (28M). I cook most of my meals from scratch because I enjoy it, and it’s cheaper and healthier for me. Sara’s fine with it and occasionally I’ll share leftovers with her when I make extra, no problem.
Lately, though, Tom has started coming over more often almost daily and has been helping himself to my food. He doesn’t ask, doesn’t offer to contribute groceries, and never says thank you. I didn’t say anything at first because I didn’t want to be rude, but last week I came home to find he’d eaten an entire portion of food I’d prepped for my next day’s lunch.
I finally confronted Sara about it and said I didn’t appreciate Tom eating my food. She brushed it off, saying he’s just “comfortable here” and that it’s “not a big deal.” I told her it is a big deal because I budget and plan my meals, and if he’s eating my food, it throws everything off. I made it clear I wouldn’t be sharing anymore, and I asked her to let Tom know.
Fast forward to yesterday, I made a pot of chili, and Tom came over while I was out. When I got back, a big chunk of it was gone. I was frustrated and told Sara that this was exactly what I was talking about, and it needed to stop. Sara said I was overreacting and called me “stingy” for not sharing food when it’s “just a couple of bites” (spoiler: it’s not). I told her I’m not her boyfriend’s chef and that I don’t owe him free meals.
Now things are tense, and Sara’s acting like I’m the bad person here. Tom hasn’t said anything directly, but I can tell Sara told him because he’s been giving me the cold shoulder. I’m starting to feel guilty, but I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting boundaries here. AITA?
Top Comments :
NTA for sure. You’re not running a free restaurant, and Sara and Tom are taking advantage of your kindness. “Comfortable” doesn’t mean he gets to take your food without permission. That’s what it is taking something without asking. And it’s not just “a couple of bites”; it’s your time, effort and money.
Sara brushing it off and calling you stingy is her trying to guilt-trip you into letting her boyfriend continue taking your food. Tom giving you the cold shoulder is just him being petty because he got called out.
Stick to your boundaries, and maybe consider getting a mini fridge or locking your food up if this keeps happening. You shouldn’t have to, but clearly, these two don’t respect you or your space.
Replies:
NTA, period. Tom sounds like an asshole and a mooch. You should tell Tom directly that he needs to stop eating someone else’s food. You’ve done nothing wrong. Don’t let Tom/Sara quietly act superior, confront them both together and tell them exactly what you have laid out here and that you expect him to behave like a grown adult human and stop stealing food.
Sounds like Tom needs to stop being in the apartment at all. You live there and pay rent there. He doesn’t. If he is making you uncomfortable he’s got to go.
Check your lease agreement. I guarantee you there is a clause about the maximum number of nights a guest can stay overnight and if he’s there often enough to be eating your food for the week, he’s definitely in violation of the lease. Tell her to handle it or you’ll be reporting them both to the leasing office and risking her being evicted and yes, it will show up as an eviction on her credit report.
