I read this heartfelt story on Reddit about a guy (27M) who unintentionally hurt his friend’s (25F) feelings and is now unsure how to fix things. They’ve known each other since childhood but only grew close in the past few months while playing pool together. Their friendship deepened, and they even hooked up once, making their bond stronger.

A few weeks later, she asked if he’d be open to being intimate again. He declined, explaining that he wasn’t into casual hookups. However, he also admitted feeling conflicted because her ex was someone he used to be friends with, even though they’ve since drifted apart. He’d only recently learned from her how toxic and abusive the ex was, and hearing the full extent of it shocked him.

When he told her that he couldn’t be intimate again because of his past friendship with her ex, she became distant. During their next pool session, she was unusually quiet. When he asked why, she opened up, saying:

“I don’t expect you to understand how I feel, but I’m going to be honest: I was disappointed and hurt because I realized you value your friendship with him more, despite knowing everything he has done to me. It was really hard for me to speak up about my past, and hearing you say that being with me wouldn’t be right because you’re friends with him doesn’t make sense to me. It hurts me. I respect that you value the ‘bro code,’ but I don’t think I feel comfortable keeping in touch with someone who chooses to value his friendship with an abusive person. I hope you understand why I’m being distant.”

Now, they still have plans to play pool next week, but he doesn’t know how to approach the situation or repair their friendship.

“Be honest. Acknowledge her feelings and apologize for how your words came across. Let her know it wasn’t about valuing your old friend , it was about being confused and caught off guard by everything you learned.”

Another added: “She clearly feels betrayed. If you want to rebuild trust, you’ll have to show her through actions, not just words, that you care about her feelings and respect her past.”

“The ‘bro code’ doesn’t apply when someone’s been abusive. Maybe reflect on whether old loyalty is worth hurting someone you care about.”

This story really made me think about how difficult it can be to navigate friendships when complicated pasts and emotions are involved. What would you do in his shoes?