This one is general. I am a guy who, when I don’t enjoy something, I’ll tell you I don’t, but if I commit to something, I’ll see it through to the end without complaining.
This comes to a head where I was on vacation with my older brother in Arizona, who wanted to do a lot of nature hikes. Nature hikes are fine. I don’t mind them, but I do dislike walking up large hills. Walking downhill is the easiest thing ever; it’s like being nature’s passenger princess. You just put your foot forward and let gravity do all the work. Walking uphill conversely is very draining and leaves me sweaty.
I don’t make a point to complain about something when I do it, so when I was walking uphill, despite not liking it much, I held a basic conversation with my brother.
As we were heading back down, he asked me if I was having fun, and I said no. Not because of any fault of my brother; I just didn’t find the activity fun. Not even bad, just satisfactory. Later, when he was driving me to the airport for my flight home, he told me, “If I ask you if you’re having fun, don’t say ‘no.'”
I understand that it can be demoralizing to hear someone’s not having fun, but I don’t like it when people ask for my opinion and get upset when I give my honest answer. If I’m not having fun, I’ll just say I’m not having fun.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
1) I told my brother, who took me on a nature hike, that I wasn’t having fun when he asked me.
2) He didn’t call me an “asshole,” but he did ask me not to say that if asked again.
TOP COMMENT
Yta.
“It’s been a fun day hanging with you, but man, this hike is steep.” “I’m looking forward to the down hill bit!”
That’s the sort of polite answer people are looking for. You acknowledge your enjoying your brothers company, which was what he was looking for, but you can also acknowledge the hike is hard/difficult, etc.
It doesn’t matter how much the activity stinks; people want to hear that you’re enjoying their company.
REPLY
Yup. Something along the lines of “It’s awesome being out here with you, but man, hikes like this one totally kick my ass.” Doesn’t offend him, and also doesn’t sign you up for a lifetime of steep hikes.
RESPONCE
Exactly!
It’s a small social nicety that expresses that I’m happy to spend time with you, even if I don’t enjoy the activity.
My grandma was very good at “I’m just happy to be with you,” or “seeing you happy makes me happy,” which as a kid I didn’t understand was her way of saying, “This activity isn’t my thing, but I’m glad to be here because I love you.” I dragged her to so many dumb things, lol. She was a really good sport and never made me feel like the unpleasantness of what we were doing (for her) outweighed the niceness of being with me.
I love her so much.
